Fitz Fam Happenings

Yay for Meems!

2012-02-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

Mia got her cast removed yesterday and received a clean bill of (leg) health. (Head, chest, ears, nose... not so clean and healthy.)

We went to Frapys to celebrate! It was directly across the street from the doctor's office, so how could we not go?

I felt a twinge of guilt bringing my obviously sick brood into the public like that, but there was no one else in the place, due to the lovely rain, and I personally wiped down every surface we touched with germ fighting wipes, then encouraged the bored-out-of-his-mind worker to do the same.

Then we went home and the girl took a looooooooooooooooooong HOT bath.

Congrats Mia! May you stay cast-free for years to come. :)

Me and Them

2012-02-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

I walked into my boys' room and found it a total mess.

SO FRUSTRATING to find the pile of clothes that I just folded sprawled across the floor. I wanted to rant about how they obviously have too much stuff if they can't take care of their things. I held it in though (for the most part) because moments earlier I had walked into my own room and saw this:

I think that's one of the hardest parts of parenting for me, seeing my own flaws in my kids. When they react the way I do, and not in a good way, I cringe. When they make mistakes and they are the same ones I've been making for years and I want to shake us all up and scream GET IT TOGETHER MAN!! But I don't because they're my flaws and my mistakes too.

Recently I had bought into a lie the enemy was telling me that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try with my kids, they will still grow up with issues, and blame me, and secretly think I'm crazy.

I love my parents. I think they did a lovely job raising us kids, but they will be the first ones to tell you they are NOT perfect. It was only because they prayed their little hearts out on our behalf that us kids turned out relatively "normal". And yes, I've had some deep rooted issues, and I could blame them (if I was a pansy who didn't take responsibility for my actions) and even my mom will admit that "everybody has a little crazy in them" (ahem, perhaps even herself at times?? - LOVE YOU MOM!!!) But my parents did a lot of things right. They gave us the chance to mess up, and not be perfect, and forgive us and still love us. And they messed up, and weren't perfect, and we knew how to forgive them, and we still love them.

My prayer is that the Lord will give me the wisdom to see the messes that matter. Also that He will help me sift through the junk and get to the heart of it, in myself and in my kids. Some messes in life must be dealt with, there is no sidestepping heart issues. When my kids grow up and my halo falls off and they see the "little crazy" in me I hope they will see that everyone needs a savior, there are no "except for so and so" or "especially so and so..." EVERYONE.

Mia's Day

2012-02-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

(Is it wrong that I'm posting about Mia's birthday before I post about Addison's?)

Mia, you turned TWO today. Turning two, in my book, means I get a free-pass on the whole birthday shebang. The first birthday I throw a party for everyone else's sake, and the third birthday (and every birthday after that) you will be well aware of so I have to do something big-ish. But turning two is -and I'm so sorry if this bursts your little two year old bubble- not that big of a deal. You won't remember it at all. So I didn't go crazy trying to make you feel crazy about today. BUT, I did take lots of pictures to document this day so you will have proof that while I didn't bake you a cake - or even have you blow out two candles (what kind of mother am I????) I did really, really care that it was a day that marked the end of quite possibly the cutest year of your life.

You received your awesomest present first and you immediately fell in love.

Then Troy got super sick and had to go to the doctor where he was diagnosed with an ear infection and pneumonia. Booooooo.

So you spent the rest of the morning in our home theater, complete with stadium seating, yaaaaaaaaay!

You took a nice nap, then played around with your horsey some more.

Did I mention you fell in love?

After we took dinner to a friend you came home and had pizza, noodles and a half of banana for dinner.

And that's when we sang "Happy Birthday" to you!

Then you opened a few more presents that Ben and Addison had wrapped up for you, and wanted to unwrap for you as well.

You got a dolly that looks an awful lot like your sister Addie and you love her

But not as much as you love your horsey!!!

Happy second birthday Mia Joy! You are pure sticky sweet joy and you are fiercely loved by all who know you.
Love, me (Mom)

Small Stuff

2012-01-26T21:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I'm really hard on my kids, one in particular. Lately I've been trying to discern what is really important and what is really not that big of a deal as far as issues to take up with them. More and more I think about my own parents and how I think they were really good at knowing the difference between heart issues and surface issues. I got my belly button pierced and wore really really dark lipstick and gigantic hoop earrings. I'm sure they thought it was the most disgusting, stupidest thing to do, but they didn't make a fuss. Jason got tattoos and they didn't go on and on about it. Darren, wait Darren was perfect... Just kidding! I'm sure Darren did some stuff too they could've harped on for days but instead they realized there were greater things at stake in our lives than whether or not my lipstick was a light enough shade or my shoes were tied with a keyring.

Some things they did care about; the words that came out of our mouths was a big one. They monitored this by putting a lot of weight on the content of the music we listened to. I remember one time I was obsessed with Mariah Carey (don't judge) so much so that I had copied out all the words to one of her songs so I could more accurately memorize them. I think my dad saw the sheet of paper and brought it to my attention. He had me read the lyrics to him out loud and holy smokes it was so embarrassing! Then he showed me in the Bible the verse that says, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" Matthew 12:34. He told me that I was memorizing these words and writing them on my heart and when it came time for me to make a difficult decision I would be pulling from these words, and did I really want to make my decisions off of a Mariah Carey song? I remember thinking, it's just a song! Who cares? But the fact that he took the time to question and discus my attraction to such a strongly worded song made me think he must really care about this issue. So I stopped listening to it.

When I was elementary school age they were influential, whether I knew it or not, in the friends that I made. Making it very easy for me to hang out with certain ones they were fans of and - what do you know we're busy on that day TOO -very difficult for me to hang out with ones they didn't think would be a good influence on me.

They gave punishments that fit the crimes. They were very aware that my brothers and I were very different and knew the best ways to correct us depending on our personality. Sitting next to Darren in a class in Jr. High because he kept getting "talks excessively" on his report cards. Making Jason stay indoors - basically crippling him. Keeping me from going to an event where I was sure to see lots of friends and flap my social butterfly wings. And when we were really young they, well lets just say they did NOT spare the rod. Thanks mom and dad!

They prayed for our hearts, our character, our salvation. Knowing, in their God-given wisdom, that the lasting issues were not on the outside but -oh this is so cliche- what's on the inside that counts.

So when my kid keeps making the same disgusting sound over and over again I try to stop and ask myself, is this a salvation issue? Because really, what's a silly sound matter when there's a heart in the balance?

Casted

2012-01-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

It finally happened, a cast has been placed on one of the Fitz-kids. Mia, of course. She'd already had a rough day, by noon she had a goose egg in the middle of her forehead because she ran from me instead of to me when I called for her and she smacked her head on a wooden beam on Ben's bed. That's what we like to call a "natural consequence".

Then, minutes before I needed to walk out the door for my CPR certification class, Mia fell off the couch. And she cried. This cry was different. It was a "I broke a bone" cry. This cry kept her/me up most of the night.

In the morning I knew I needed to take her to see a doctor but I wasn't sure to where. The pediatrician didn't have an x-ray machine, urgent care couldn't cast it if it needed it, so a friend suggested I go straight to a pediatric orthopedic doctor, so that's what we did. It took half the morning for me to figure that out.

The other half of the morning was spent at the DMV waiting to get a copy of my driving record. (Adoption certification stuff. I can think about two babies at once.) :)

**FYI: DMV appointment times hold about as much weight as doctor appointment times.**

It was also the day we had chosen to celebrate Ben's birthday at school, so there was that blip in my schedule as well.

Mia wasn't the happiest of campers throughout the day, but as long as I was holding her she was fine, which is not too far from a typical day anyway.

We made our way to the ped.ortho.doc for our 4:00 appointment time. At 5:15 we were seen, x-rayed and yep, she needed a cast for her nicely fractured tiba.

This is why I'm not too bummed:

~ It's wintertime - but not too cold that she requires snow boots to go outside.
~ It's not summertime - so water and sand are not an issue.
~ She was given a short cast, and can walk on it anytime she feels so inclined, which hopefully will be soon.
~ I have sweet friends who swooped my kids up and took them away so I could concentrate on fixing Mia.
~ When those kids came back to me, and Mia wasn't yet fixed, and hours of waiting loomed, I was confident I could take them with me with little to no problem and they would survive. And they did, and had better attitudes than I did at times.

Here's the clincher: in order to get to Mia's doctor's office we had to walk through CHOC hospital. Up an elevator, down an elevator, through this hall and that. During our jaunt we came across little kids, big kids, toddlers and babies, sick as sick can be. Bald heads, ashy skin, shallow eyes, one was carrying a barf bag. And we smiled and chatted with a few, but inside I felt embarrassed. I had SO many friends calling and texting to check in on the Meems. Friends praying and asking what they could do to help. And really, her hot pink casted fracture is like a Band-Aid on a splinter compared to those tiny, precious children in that hospital. And I almost didn't want to look at the few parents I saw because the wounds they wear are gashes and mine is a hangnail.

So we came home and Mark was here with our late dinner ready and waiting. I couldn't get over the day I had and how richly blessed I felt. Not just because of CHOC, but because a week ago I was feeling hopeless (more to come on that...) And on a day when, by anyone's standards, I could've thrown in the towel and poured myself the mother of all glasses of whine, instead the Lord saw it fit to remind me of the blessing of life. And for the next 4 weeks I have a little cutie wearing a hot pink cast to remind me as well.

Hold on folks...

2012-01-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

I've got a good blog a brewin'... it's about the funk I was in last week when I was all doom and gloom and whoa is me. But then I went to church - collective sigh ahhhhhhhhhhhh - and our pastor, conveniently enough, was just starting a 9 week series titled "Encouraged" based off of Romans 15-16. And guess what? I was.

So I want to blog about that and more.

And if you, or someone you love, needs to hear some Truth and be encouraged then I encourage you (heh heh heh...) to come to Compass Bible Church and be fed. Or you can watch online. Or you can listen via podcast. So many ways to catch this gem of a series! But do catch it. God's word is so good, and more than able to pull me out of a Debby -downer funk.

In the meantime, I know how ya'll love your pics-fix.

Here's a photo the awesome Hannah took, and I thought it was lost fo-eva but I found it in some random desktop file. Isn't it SO CUTE????????

An oldie but goodie...

My girls, my girls!

Oh Troy...

I took this simply as a reminder to me of Mia's first love. Elmo's Wild Wild West, or as she calls it "Horsey Elmo". One of her brothers, who shall remain nameless (Troy) was upset one day and broke her beloved Horsey Elmo VHS (yep, VHS. That's how we roll). So for Christmas I gave her a new copy and she was ECSTATIC.

No Joke!

2011-12-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

The Best Gift Winner in my book is ME because I gave Addison the most awesmest brush in the world! What's that? An awesome brush? Yes. It's awesome because it holds secret magical untangling powers. I don't know how it does it but it does. It boasts of it's awesome de-tangling powers, calling itself the Knot Genie, which is a daring thing to do unless your product really works. It really works!

I saw this little beauty on a favorite website of mine, Zulily, where I got a great deal. Addison tries very hard not to complain while I do her hair, but the tangles she gets sometimes are out of this world, so I know it's not feeling good when I'm brushing. Pretty much every time I brush her hair is ended with, "I do NOT like it when you brush my hair." Which I was fine with because I have a feeling, compared to other hair-brushing battles I've heard of, her reaction is pretty mild. But I did want to do something to help my poor, rat slept in, dreadlocked girl.

When I opened the box and saw a piece of plastic nonsense I was initially disappointed. It's really lightweight, which I took as cheap. Knot genie my tush, I got rooked! Whatevs... it was a stocking stuffer for Christmas morning anyway, so I really didn't care.

My hopes were not high. I was not expecting any change in hair-brushing time. But, I kid you not, the thing is magical! SO magical, in fact that I use it on my massive mane every morning and evening. Addison LOVES it. When I used it the first time, I didn't say anything about how it was supposed to help with tangles, but even she said, "What is with this brush? This doesn't hurt or anything!"

Secret untangling magical powers, that's the only thing it can be.

Anyway... This is not a product pushing blog, generally speaking, but when I find something good that I think is worth mentioning then I do so. Should you purchase one for your nappy-haired love and find yourself not nearly as slaphappy about them as I, well, then, so sorry.... maybe the magic really just lies in Addison.

I'm a happy gal, and she's a happy gal, yay Knot Genie!

Seven

2011-12-26T20:41:00.000-08:00

Ben was the first of three surprises. (Addison was the only "Mark and Sarah's" planned child.) It was about 16 hours of labor, the first 10 I "tried" to go without an epidural... I'm no Wendy Wilson people, so got the shot and slept for a few blessed hours. When I woke up I spent 3.5 hours pushing... about 3 hours of which were totally unnecessary - but what did I know? And then he was born...

He was born at least 40 years old, just like Mark, so every birthday until then will just be a stepping stone to get him to the age he's really supposed to be.

Ben is fantastic, really, I LOVE having a 7 year old Benjamin!

He's really enjoyable because he gets super excited about things, and he has the best smile and the brightest eyes and greatest facial expressions.

He loves math, and won an award for it last trimester at his school. And he loves Legos.

Did I say loves? I meant LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES legos!

He is the SWEETEST BROTHER EVER - to Mia. Not so much to the T-man, but we're working on that (and might be for the rest of his life...)

He's really fun to play games with! Uno is his favorite, but that's only because I don't know how to play chess. I think I'd be the coolest mom ever if I learned how to play chess with him, man he would love that! He also really, really loves soccer. He might forgive my lack of chess knowledge if I agree to play soccer with him everyday for the next 11 years.

ELEVEN years. That's how many years are left until he turns 18. Are you kidding me? That does NOT sound like a lot!!! I am not a fan of that thought, lets move on...

Often I feel bad for Ben because I'm, admittedly, harder on him than the others. I have less of a clue as to what I'm doing with him, parenting-wise, because every single thing he does is a first for me, and it'll be that way for the rest of his life - poor firstborn. He's a lousy eater and has bad teeth, two more things I blame myself for... moving on again...

I LOVE BEN! I love that he's eager and excitable and fun and loving and silly and sporty. He has a lot of Bible smarts which I'm praying will translate into a love for Jesus as his savior someday. Ben is a great leader and we pray that the Lord will use him to do mighty things for His Kingdom!

Happy Birthday sweet Ben, my firstborn. The one who ushered me into my dream job. I see you and I see a tiny baby, with a little nose and long fingers and a head full of sweet smelling hair, and my heart stops for a moment and tears well in my eyes because you are far, far away from being that baby anymore. You are tall and strong and thoughtful and just. so. big. My dear boy, my boy... oh, how I love you so! Happy birthday, Benny!

2011-12-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

I read this (from a 147 blog) and it it struck me, so I'm posting it here.

"While Katie (Davis) was home we were talking about November being "orphan awareness month". Her response was "there is a month reminding people that there are orphans??!" the look on her face showed that she was SOOOO perplexed. It was a sad reality for me that we have to have a special "Orphan Sunday" for believers to acknowledge all of the orphans in the world."

I am SO grateful to live in America and to be an American, but good grief, sometimes the things we Americans do, don't do, or need reminding to do, just gets to me. Sometimes I feel like we. have. no. clue.

Like when I get frustrated with my kids because they don't take care of their stuff and I tell them there are children who have nothing and it goes in one ear and out the other because that statement really doesn't register with them. Why would it? Every single person they know has every single thing that they need.

Like when I banned the word "starving" from their vocabulary because my children, for the rest of their lives, will never truly know what starving feels like.

Like when I hear people say, "If an orphan showed up on my doorstep then yes, of course I'd take it in." and my heart breaks a little because you and I both know that, most likely, will never happen in Orange County California, or probably anywhere else in the U.S.

(But wait. It did. Granted it was a handful of generations ago and in Kentucky, but MY Great, Great Grandfather was left on a doorstep as a baby, in a basket, with only his last name (Prince) written on a paper with him. I KNEW adoption was in my blood!)

Anyway... I was just really struck by the glaring absurdity of needing to be reminded about something Christ so clearly defined for us Christians so as we'd never forget.

James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:
to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Perfection

2011-12-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

Addison: Mom, what will you give me if I do nothing wrong for a whole day?

Me: Sounds lovely, but it's not possible. Mom and Dad can't even go a whole day without doing one thing wrong, because we are human and we can't be perfect. Do you know who the ONLY person to go, not just one day, but his WHOLE LIFE without doing one thing wrong is?

Troy: (raising his hand, of course) Is it ME?

Oh Troy...

**Incase you were thinking maybe Troy is a good answer, the correct answer is JESUS.

2 Corinthians 5:21
For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Christmas Books Review

2011-12-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

My mom is awesome and loves to read and Christmastime was a great way for her to share that love with us kids! I've carried on the Christmas book warm fuzzies by starting a new tradition in my own little family: I buy a new Christmas book (or two) each year - and date it with a lovely Sharpie so I'll remember when it was the book struck my fancy. Here is a little list of some of my favorite Christmas books:

(OH! And because I like to abuse my blogging power by plugging adoption/orphan care anytime I can... Did you know that READING to a foster/adopted kid is one of the BEST ways to bond, infant and teenager alike? Well it is! The more you know...)

Alrighty, here we go... in no particular order... Who Is Coming To Our House? Super cute little rhyming board book about the animals in the stable getting ready for Mary and Joseph to arrive.

We all sing the songs at Christmas, priests and pop-stars do it, but do we know where they come from or why they were written? Stories Behind the Best-Loved Songs of Christmas goes behind the song writing scenes and gives us sweet insight into our favorite Christmas tunes. I really love this one!!

The Jesse Tree is a gem of a for-older-than-preschool-aged children's book. It's tells the lineage of Jesus, starting with Creation. WAIT! The story of Jesus doesn't start with Creation, it starts with Christmas!! Well no, no it doesn't. This is a fantastically illustrated book you're sure to enjoy as much as your child does.

This is not a book! How'd this get in here??? My bad.

(One of) My super cool brother(s) gave our family Stick Man a couple years ago and it was an instant hit. It's silly and catchy and by golly we love it.

(Um, Sarah? This book doesn't mention the birth of Jesus anywhere, in fact it talks about S A N T A.) Yes I know. And I still love it.

I don't like this book because it makes me cry. Addison LOVES it, so it makes the list. I do have a soft spot for The Tale of the Three Trees because, as I made known right around Halloween, I live for Easter! This book reminds us that Jesus was born to die. (Didn't stay dead!!) Love that.

I have more but I'm tired of copying and pasting... SO please leave me a comment telling me YOUR favorite Christmas books!!!

Me, and Maybe You

2011-12-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

I was introduced to All Sons and Daughters by the ever awesome Beckey B. and have pretty much fallen in love. I listen to their cd over and over and over, repeat, repeat, repeat... you get the picture. I recognize this is not everyone's type of music, but this song is breathtakingly beautiful because the words are. so. powerful.

It's long, and slow, and you won't listen to the whole thing because I know you, and you don't plan on spending more than 1:16.2 minutes (that's 1 minute, 16 seconds and 2 milliseconds) reading a post. I know because I timed myself reading three of mine and averaged them out. :-) (That's not entirely true, I guessed the average because I hate math.) Back to my point... this song is like 6 times the length of time you're willing to spend here, BUT, just for me, because it's December and it's the month of giving, because the 6th is St.Nicholas Day and you want to observe it by giving the gift of time, listen to the entire song. Press play then fold your laundry or unload your dishwasher, update accounts payable, just listen to it.

All the Poor & Powerless by Sons & Daughters

You didn't really listen to it and just skipped down to this part, I'm no dummy. Here. At least read the lyrics:

All the poor and powerless

And all the lost and lonely

All the thieves will come confess

And know that you are holy

Will know that you are holy

All will sing out, Hallelujah

We will cry out, Hallelujah

All the hearts who are content

And all who feel unworthy

All who hurt with nothing left

Will know that you are holy

Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains

Go on and tell it to the masses

That He is God

We will sing out, Hallelujah

We will cry out, Hallelujah

We will sing out, Hallelujah

God

Not nearly as powerful as when you listen to the music, but you get the point, pretty awesome words.

Here's what I love, heart-bursting, painstakingly love, about this song. This line right here: All the hearts that are content. Because that's me. And I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that's 90% of all people who call themselves Christians living in Orange County, or California, or North America. We are a content people.

All Sons and Daughters lists what most would consider really sad states; lost, lonely, powerless, poor, thieves, then BAM adds hearts that are content to the list. It was my interpretation that they were singing of a passive, complacent heart. (*It should be noted that this might not have been their intention. Maybe they wanted to include the spectrum and considered a content heart a good thing.) The "content" that I was convicted by is a sad state to be in. I have been there. I am tempted to be there now. My husband has cut back his hours at work, he is fruitful in his job and it's thriving. We have a great house, four happy, healthy children. We are plugged in well at church and have friends and family that love us. We, by every rule of thumb, should be content. But what a sad, sad state that would be.

If we were content we wouldn't need God.

That thought alone causes a lump to swell in my throat.

When I get to the reprise of this song I really do scream it at the top of my lungs. My kids think I'm crazy, which is not unusual. I can't help but get loud when think of my total dependency on God, We will sing out, Hallelujah! We will cry out, Hallelujah! GOD!

If you are utterly dependent, fully surrendered to God then go on, shout it, scream it from the mountains, tell it to the masses, He is God!

**The type of contentment I'm talking about is more of a complacency. We should be content with the things we have, not living in a state constant of want. That is right on. But in our relationship with God - I don't know, I think that being content in that would be a great loss.

Thanking God for Troy

2011-11-28T16:58:00.000-08:00

Me: Troy, you are NOT allowed to scream at the top of your lungs!

Troy raises hand to ask a question.

T: Am I allowed to scream at the bottom of my lungs?

Me: NO.

T: What are lungs?

Me: Lungs hold air in your body.

T: In my booty?

God was so gracious with Troy when He formed him. He knew that Troy would struggle with anger and self control and would require lots of heart training and patience. He also knew that Troy would have a mom who is prone to yell, but has a weakness for humor. So God gave Troy super humor strength. The best part of this gift is that it shines in the greatest moments; moments when this mama would otherwise be tempted to scream and shout and throw a fit of her own.

I will never forget my very favorite "anger-breaker"...

Me: Troy, one day you are going to be accountable for your actions!

T: AWESOME! I would LOVE to be a cannon ball!!!

Thank you Lord for Troy and his humor. Thank you for his strength and passion. I cannot wait to see how you are going to use him, and all of his fantastic traits for Your Kingdom!

Saying Hola!

2011-11-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

The kids and I were playing outside on this beautiful fall day when we heard little kids laughing just a few houses down. Ben scoped it out and sure enough the neighbors were out enjoying the day as well. We have lots of kids in our neighborhood, we see them all the time running and riding and laughing, but we have yet to stop and play because of one seemingly major factor: We don't speak the same language.

Ben asked if we could walk down and see if they wanted to play and I hesitated for a moment, then remembered this blog I read yesterday and was inspired to step out of my comfort zone. We walked on down and I scrambled to dust the cobwebs off of my three years of high school Spanish.

My kids walked up to the other two, a boy and a girl, and they all just stared at each other. Their mother was standing waaaaaaay off so I smiled and waved to her, she smiled and stayed put. Random spanish phrases flew around my head, but I tried to focus. I know where the library is, so "donde es la biblioteca?" was out. "Vamos a la playa" seemed a bit awkward for a first meeting. Then all the VBS songs from our trips to El Centro came rushing to mind and I was tempted to bust out "Yo tengo gozo, gozo, gozo, gozo, en mi corazón" but stopped. The little girl was just staring at me. Okay, I can do this. She's no more than 5, and she already knows I'm a silly white lady, so what have a got to lose?

I got down low so she could see my eyes.

"Hola, me llamo Sarah. Como te amas?"

"Jaqueline".

"Hola Jaqueline! Quantos anos tienes?"

"Cinco"

"Ah cinco! Muy bien!"

Then I introduced my kids. They all smiled and said hola. :-)

Addison wanted to tell her she liked her pricess shoes, so I did my best to say, "me gusta tu zappatos", I think might've been a little off, because she totally giggled, but she knew her shoes were liked and said, "gracias".

For a moment I was certain she was going to yell at me - in perfect English, "Why are you speaking Spanish? Crazy American!" but she didn't.

The kids skipped around a bit and laughed at how no one understood each other, but it was still really fun.

So thanks, Karen Yates, for encouraging me to make an effort to engage, even if it would've been easier to stay and play at my own house. The kids got to see me squirm a bit and laugh at myself, and we made a new friend on our street! And since Thanksgiving is just a few days away I'll throw out a quick "Thankful List"...

1. Mr. Garcia's awesome spanish classes.
2. Growing up in a church that took frequent trips to Mexico, Mexicali and El Centro, where I learned how to talk to children about Jesus Christo.
3. Kids who are fluent in "laughter".
4. A gorgeous day to be outside.

Foster This

2011-11-17T21:58:00.000-08:00

When I get home from the foster/adopt classes I want to smother my kids with hugs and kisses. I want to let T play with my hair as long as he wants and get back in bed in the mornings so he can come and snuggle with me (something I sacrificed when I started getting up before the kids). I want to listen to Addie tell really long stories that I usually don't have the time to hear the end of. I want to play soccer with Ben, whoever gets to THIRTY wins - instead of whoever gets to five. I want to get down and look Mia in the eyes when I talk with her and hold her every time she says "Hold you mommy!".

I go to these classes and I learn about our next child and maybe it was or maybe it wasn't held as a baby. Maybe it had dinner, but probably not, and if it did it most likely came from the minimart down on the corner. I learn about toddlers who hoard food because it's a survival skill they've acquired. T throws a fit and it lasts -at the longest- 5 minutes. I learn about children who throw rages for over an hour. Ben has been really huggy lately, making sure to hug and kiss me before he goes to bed, even after I've hugged and kissed him, and sometimes I huff and puff at this, because I see it as him dragging out bedtime. And maybe he is, but someday he won't. Someday he won't need me at bedtime at all. I learn about kids who don't even know what a bedtime is, let alone have someone hugging and kissing them each night.

There are SO MANY kids out there, right down the road, maybe even in my neighborhood, being taken away from their homes. They see things and hear things and feel things and do things that we would "die" over if our kids experienced any of them. And we'll get this baby sometime early next year and I'll have at least 12 months, maybe 18, hopefully a lifetime, to pour myself into. Pour all of the truths I know, all of the prayers and all of the love I have into this child.

But I'm not perfect.

And neither is Mark.

And Lord knows our kids and extended families aren't either.

So what do we do? When we see this sickness and yuck in the world and all of the sudden it's in our home and we're talking about it over dinner like it's the weather? What do we do when sin and deception has taken over, completely defining an entire family, and we have the offspring of that family?

We take it in. We swaddle and sing. We cradle and love. We feed and pray.

Lord, how we pray.

The Big "What If?"

2011-11-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

My mom works in a lab at big hospital in Fullerton. Every Thursday a group of teenage girls from the local group home come in to get tested for drugs, STD's, pregnancy... the whole shebang. I told my mom to be really nice to these girls because one of them could be my baby's mama.

That was a fun-scary-sobbering-exciting-close-to-home thought. I'm sure my mom was super thrilled to think about it like that. :) Thankfully, I know my mom will lean on the verse that she taught me as a child, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid." John 14:27

We know that whatever child we care for will be coming from a majorly less than ideal situation. If a baby is in foster care it's not that the mother is choosing to put it there, it's that the state is taking the baby away. And if the fostering leads to adoption, which is our hope, then the reasons why parental rights have been revoked completely are usually pretty bad, and heartbreaking.

One of the neat things about this program is the involvement Mark and I will have with the birth mom and/or dad. This idea used to scare the pants off me! But what if we meet with them, for months we meet, and go through the gamut of junk in their lives with them, and we love them the way Christ loves us, and they learn about Jesus and the work He did on the cross? What if they repent and commit their lives to living and loving the way Christ did? What if their entire family tree is altered for the rest of eternity because of it?? (Kris Franklin is probably DYING right now... shaking her had at my naive idealism.) I know it sounds radical, but I'm just going to call it hopeful. Don't we all deserve the hope of Heaven? Doesn't everyone, even the moms who can't kick the habit and the dads who can't keep their pants zipped, deserve to know that God created them, and created them for more? I believe they do. I pray that I will never wash my hands of a sinner (of which I am one) and say, "They're hopeless." I get that there are consequences for actions, children need to be safe, but that's when I get to trust fully in the work of the Holy Spirit and know that God can redeem and restore ANY sinner... just like He did for me.

I get it, that situation will most likely not happen.

But what if it did???

2011-11-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

A couple kids ago I realized the truth about Daylight Savings Time; It was invented by someone without children. It's been all over facebook, and everywhere else people can publicly complain about life, kids are getting up an hour earlier and yuckiness inevitably follows. Everyone I know with kids (EXCEPT the amazing Karis Wilson, who just might be the perfect child) was affected by DST in one way or another, so I figure this is a good time to talk about my "Bag of Quiet Fun".

Mia is really loud when she wakes up. SCREAMS for me, then DAD, then BUBUH, then aaaaahDEEEEEEEEEEEE... never really for Troy, (sorry Troy!!). This wasn't that big of a deal until a month or so ago when I started deliberately wanting to wake up before her. I set my alarm for O'Dark-thirty and began to enjoy the quiet house for about an hour before she would stir.

It's like she could smell me waking up.

Within a few days she was waking up at o'dark-thrity as well. That's when I remembered my "Bag of Quiet Fun" trick.

Right before I lay Mia down at night, the lights are already off in her room, I add a few different items to the end of her crib. Every night I pick something different. And for a super fun twist I add a little bag filled with smaller things, like horse figures and fairy dolls. When she wakes in the morning she sees what I put in and plays for a good amount of time with all the goodies and I get to maintain a true quiet time before my household wakes up.

This will not work forever. If she figures out the stuff is in her crib before she goes to sleep at night, and decides to play with the toys then... that will be the last of the "Bag of Quiet Fun". I think I've got at least a few months left in her. When she's out of the crib then she'll have a stack of books to look at in the morning, as the other kids do, and that pairs perfectly with our "Stay quiet in your bed until 7:00am" standard.

So there you go, I started doing this with Addison when she was a baby, so I guess it's tradition now. :-) Nice for them to learn to play quietly by themselves for a while and nice for me to start my day alone in the Word.

Do you have any tricks to keeping your younger ones quietly occupied?

See Ya'll April 8, 2012

2011-10-31T00:06:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again... the time of year when I have to fight off every instinct I have to retreat back into my little Christian bubble and not resurface until Easter. I hate Halloween. I made a valiant effort last year to like it, and make it somehow redeemable, but that didn't go so well. It's not just the fact that it's a day dedicated to celebrating pretty much everything I live my life fighting against. It's that it marks the day that begins a season which tends to brings out the worst in my children. The fuss about what to wear, all the comparisons over who got how much candy, the boasting, the jealousy, the insatiable need for MORE. It begins today, October 31st, then carries over all the way to December 25th. It's an attitude that takes over my children where all they can think about is when the next time they're getting something is. Right after Christmas is Ben's birthday, and by "right after" I mean the next day. MORE. 30 days later is Addison's birthday. MORE. Then Mia's. MORE. MORE. MORE.

I want to hide and come back out on Easter, when, despite the best efforts of marketing geniuses in candy and plastic companies everywhere, HOPE is the overwhelming attitude. There's an answer to all of the yuck, all of the MORE. There's a God who sees all of the disgustingness and realizes we just can't do it on our own and desperately wants to draw us close to Him again but knows there has to be a sacrifice, an atonement, a perfect one. So there's a death, and a tomb. But He doesn't stay dead! And not only does He not stay dead, He ascends into Heaven! The hope of Heaven!!! I LOVE EASTER!

There is a lot I do to control this situation with my kids. Most importantly I pray, and prepare for battle. The next five months are a fight for me to live out (it's easy for me to simply believe) that Jesus Christ is risen and victorious. The junk of this world, the wedges Satan tries to drive into our lives with his cunning lies, have no power over the power of the risen Christ! How does that play out when I think about the season of MORE? I'm so thankful for a God who loved so much, that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! How can I bring that attitude into this doomsday feeling I have? How radically different will that make my life? I'm not sure... I'll let you know in five months.

Family Photos

2011-10-27T20:55:00.001-07:00

Got creative with Addie-girl...

Spent the day here with the first born...

Laughed at this dude...

Stumbled upon Filipino food with this guy...

Spent some quiet times with this tiny one...

Growing!

2011-10-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

Word is out that we are expanding the FitzFam once again!! This time by way of adoption, which is so unbelievable that we're here - doing this - for real.

Where do I begin?

After we had Addison we wanted to adopt but (BUT GOD) I found out I was pregnant with Troy. After Troy we wanted to adopt but (BUT GOD) I found out I was pregnant with Mia. This time around I've pretty much been whispering "adoption" in fear of getting pregnant again. But (BUT GOD) here we are, adopting, and I'm not pregnant.

I was all about international, really it's all I knew. My friends who've adopted have gone overseas, and I had huge fears wrapped up in doing a domestic adoption and having a birth mother to contend with. For some reason I thought for over seas adoptions - out of sight out of mind. (Clearly a naive and immature rationale.) But (BUT GOD) my mind was slowly changed and my heart grew softer and softer and all of the sudden domestic didn't seem crazy and fostering became, dare I say it?, beautiful.

Mark and I attended a meeting for people with hearts for orphan care on September 13th. (This is open to everyone! Next meeting is in January.) In the car on the way home we both said we should look into fost/adopt. Nothing magical was said at the meeting. Nothing specific happened, but (BUT GOD) at some point God spoke to both of us and confirmed this is what he wanted for us.

There have only been a few times in my walk with the Lord that I have felt I am exactly where he wants me to be, doing what he wants me to do. This is one of those times.

That night we got online and researched Olive Crest. We sent in the pre-application to find out more information and a week later received the Main Application in the mail. Two weeks after that we had our first in-home meeting that basically laid out all of the intricacies of Olive Crest fost/adopt program and we signed a commitment letter stating we are in this for realsies. They don't want to waste their time if many man hours of training and interviewing later we decide it's just not really for us.

This is really for us. For realsies.

Today we had our homestudy. It was basically a three hour marriage and family assessment. I think everyone should have a homestudy done! I love answering questions about my marriage and family! At one point - when I was struggling to find serious faults in Mark - Mark pointed out that I would've had no problem finding a plethora of faults a year ago. One year ago, in the thick of him working an insane amount of hours and me being in a new house with four very little children, we would've answered a lot of the questions very differently than we did today.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. BUT GOD, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

But God walked through the thick of it with us. He saw us tired and weak and knew it wasn't time. Then he moved us. And he reduced our stuff and increased our trust. I looked at our kids and was filled with a lovely fullness, but God said there is room for more.

I was a sinner, blind and lost, but God said he had room for more, and adopted me.

It is our joy to love sacrificially in the name of Jesus who so greatly sacrificed for us.

What are the "But God"'s in your life?

Meet Katie Davis!!

2011-10-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

I've written about her before. I've had the honor of listening to her speak before. I've been profoundly blessed by the work God is doing through her in Uganda. PLEASE COME! Buy her new book, support Amazima, be a part of this amazing ministry. It will be well worth your time.

Mariners Church Mission Viejo

7:00pm

****If childcare is keeping you from coming please let me know, I have a sitter for you - guaranteed.

Job Title

2011-10-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Sitting at a table of strangers at a wedding the inevitable "What do you do" question went around. Lot's of really interesting jobs were mentioned and then it was my turn. A sweet gal, who just finished telling me about her fancy job, asked me, "So what do YOU do." I kind of laughed and said, "I'm a mom". Her husband hollered out, "Oh, CRUISING!" which I took to mean he figured my days were spent relaxing with a tasty, umbrella adorned beverage in my hand. I chuckled. They didn't have any kids, so a large amount of grace was shown.

I've been getting this question a lot, maybe I'm meeting lots of new people which is awesome, and usually I get a similar reaction, and I'm here to say I'm fine with it. You know why? Because some people know from the time they are very young that they want to be a doctor when they grow up, and they grow up to be a paper pusher in a cubical. Some people say they want to be a teacher and they get very close to becoming one but they end up in an economic pit of despair and are sidelined for years. Some people want to become a lawyer so they work their tail off and actually pass the bar and marry late and have kids even later and then never get to see said kids because of crazy long work hours that never seem to taper. But me? I've always, always, always, wanted to get married and have kids. Since I was little that's been my dream job. And I get to do it, to the fullest extent of my job description, every single day.

Please don't misinterpret, this is not another "Stay at home moms work too!" blog. I think that's been pretty well established. I just want to offer that it's possible for "Mom" to be someone's dream job. It wasn't like I failed out of college and had nothing better to do. I didn't set out to be something else and then settled. When it was time to declare a major I simply couldn't find the "Domestic Engineering" option.

Maybe someday I'll add on another job title. How does "Sarah, Trader Joe's Aficionado" sound? In the meantime, maybe I'll whip up a name badge that reads, "Mom, 2004-forever."

2011-09-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I had the opportunity to sit in a pretty fantastic, resort-like spa with some gal pals, uninterrupted for over an hour, with no children present. It's beautiful for so many reasons:

1. I was not splashed in the face, not even once.
2. I didn't have to hold my bathing suit up with one hand due to a clinging, grabbing, half drowning Mia.
3. I started, and completed, entire conversations. Whole and complete conversations people!
4. I wasn't constantly counting heads, or saving lives. The two go hand in hand.
5. There was no fear of a floater, and I'm not talking about a child if you know what I mean...

This hasn't happened in, I don't know, 6.75 years. And if THAT'S not a blog worthy moment I don't know what is. :)

9.22.11

2011-09-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

I'll take that table, the one with the cops.

This guy is quiet, what's his deal?

Quiet but cute. Those eyes!

So I met this police officer the other night at the diner...

He came back! Here's my number.

He called.

Who knew such a quiet guy could talk until the sun comes up?

Driving home from Jason's soccer game, Wahoo's? Sure!

Is that the sunrise? We talked the night away again.

A real first date, happy birthday.

Luciana's... you're dating me with the intent to marry.

Mr. Lufrano says I'm "the One".

How was breakfast with my dad?

Walk on the cliffs after church.

You're down on one knee.

Yes! Of course yes. Always...

You're at the end of the aisle waiting for me.

I do. Always...

Flying Cloud. A puppy! A kitten! We move, we move, we build a house, IT'S A BOY!, we move, IT'S A GIRL!, IT'S A BOY!, new company, IT'S A GIRL!, we move, cut a job, we move.

We love.

Always.

Always.

Loving it!

2011-09-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

Not all days will be like this, I get that. But boy, do I LOVE it when homeschooling looks like this

and this

and this

and even this.

When we listen to Mozart and pick apart Sergei Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, and we break for painting and Bible and poetry and homemade applesauce. And each child works well and plays well independantly, allowing me to focus on one kids at a time. Multiple times this morning I looked around and thought, "Are you kidding me Lord?? This is SO not my doing, You have given me the best job in the world!"

Of course, last week I was laying in the couch when Mark came home from work, crying, "I don't want to be a mom who puts her kids in preschool because she can't stand them!" but that was totally how I felt. I was tired and easily irritated and everything I had planned had gone differently than what I so beautifully painted in my mind. This morning I prayed for my homeschooling friends who, my like myself, can feel overwhelmed, distracted, frustrated that our day didn't turn out picture worthy. I prayed that God would shut our mouths when they need to be shut, that peace would rule - even in hectic moments, that the distractions would seem silly, and that at the end of our schooling day our kids would know more about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. Because it is easy for me to teach them to memorize God's Word for credit in a class, but it is a Spiritual discipline for me to apply and live those words in my life. I really do have the best job ever. :)

(Days like today make me want to homeschool five days a week, not just two, but let's not get crazy here...)

19mo of Joy

2011-09-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

At 19 months you have lots of words, your first very clear words were No!, Stop!, and Don't!... I wonder why...:-) You call your blanket "ganket" and your water "ahdoo". You call all of us by our names, Mommy, Daddy, Addie or Ad, Bubba (ben) and Tutu (Troy). You get yourself a bowl when you want a snack and you're pretty good at getting your own snack too - although you rarely eat all of whatever it is you grabbed (usually a bar).
You're most hilarious and giddy around 7pm, which is kind of unfortunate because that's your bedtime, but if you stay up later you don't really get crabby, just silly.

You love babies!! You love to talk on the phone with Nana, and ask to at least twice a day. You love dogs (goggies) and birds (tweet-tweets) and horses ( MEEEEEeeeeeee!). And you love shoes, especially other people's shoes. When we are at the beach you are most happiest walking up and down the shore trying on (and stealing) other people's flip flops and sandals. You've asked me to use the potty, and were successful!, but only once. You cry every time I drop you off at Kids Care at church, like it's not something you've done at least once or twice a week for the last 19 months of your life.

You're kind of sassy. You're not a huge fan of any of my friends, except maybe Mrs.Swanson - but even that is ify, Oh but you LOVE Mr. Pollet (sorry Mrs.Pollet!!) and cousin Tyson. You have issues with screaming and giving mean looks to people when you're in a mood, which is so unfortunate because A) It's going to lead to a lot of pain on your hiny, B) You're really super cute and fun and sweet and people don't often get to see that side of you. C) Nobody likes a screamer.

You're my little girl.

You take amazing pictures.

You are fiercely loved.

My View, a Short Story

2011-09-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

Three wise men were carrying heavy loads while on their way to visit the King. They had been traveling a long time, and were tired, but they were anxious to be the first ones there, so they pressed on.

One wise man carried a large satchel, the largest I've ever seen. The leather strap of the bag dug into his shoulder and the weight of the contents burdened one side of his body so greatly that he walked with a limp. The satchel itself dragged alongside the man as if filled with boulders, digging a trail in the path behind the traveler. The wise man made a great show of his walk; step, drag, step, drag, umphing and huffing down the road.

The second wise man walked hunched over, bending under the great weight of his load as well. Across his back a canvas draped, mountainous object was held in place with giant chains criss crossing his chest again and again. They clinked and clunked together as he walked, rhythmically in time, one heavy step after the next. The wise man did nothing to quiet the clatter, however, as it drew stares from his fellow travelers and the bystanders along the way, which he pretended not to notice, or that he cared.

Just like the others, the third wise man carried a load far beyond his muscle strength. In his arms he held something so long and wide he could hardly see over the top. He held his head as high as he could for a better view, and pushed his nose up in the air, which actually felt rather comfortable, and familiar. His knees buckled as his walked and his biceps twitched and ached. He was exhausted, but determined to reach the King.

They arrived at the palace but the King was not there. The wise men found this disappointing, of course, as they were afraid the crowd that had gathered around them would dwindle if the King did not appear soon. Then the King would miss seeing how many followers they had acquired.

Unable to find the King in the waiting chambers they heaved their loads into the throne room, but he was not there either. Puffing and sighing they lifted their loads again, sure that when the King saw what they carried he'd be pleased and allow them to stay within the palace walls forever. But he simply could not be found. Tempted to rest but for a moment, one of the wise men leaned against a large window along the palace wall. It overlooked the fields of the Kingdom. The wise men could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the King himself along side the field hands pulling and pruning and plucking as if he were one of them. Perhaps there was some mistake, hadn't the King be waiting for these noble men? Backs and arms and knees nearly breaking by now I watched the men lumber down, down, down to the lowest parts of the field to finally have an audience with the King. By this time they were sure the King would be drawn to them for they were certain the items they held onto so dearly were the exact items the King looked for when choosing palace residents. And OH how they wanted to be palace residents!

The first wise man approached the King, pushing the satchel to the Kings feet. He grasped at the enormous buckle and lifted it open with all his might. "This, O King, I have dedicated my life to knowing. I have sedulously poured myself over the words. Memorizing, applying, critiquing. Before the sun rises and after it sets, and even while the rest of the city rests at noon, I have devoted myself to this book. Surely I am one you will have in your palace." With that he placed the holy book at the feet of the King with a thud.

The dust had hardly settled with the second wise man worked his way to the front and dropped to his knees, the weight on his back finally wearing him out. I saw the King being to reach for the chains the bound the pack to the wise man. "Oh King," the wise man said, "I've got this. You've got so much to think about, don't worry about helping me." The King put his hand down and stood waiting for the wise man to untangle the mess of chains. Finally the last chain fell and with a shift of his back his burden slid off. With great gusto he pulled the canvas off the object. "O King, Not a week goes by that I do not enter these doors. As often as they are open, I am there. Since my youth I have faithfully attended at every opportunity, often leading - or serving rather - when called upon. I brought my family, and my friends and all of the people who work for me. There is no other place I'd rather be than here, except, of course, in your palace with you."

Last, but not to be made least, the third wise man forcefully made his place before the King. Using what little strength he had left he positioned his encumbrance upright so it stood taller than everyone else in the field, even taller than the King himself! "Oh King," began the third wise man, "I have followed this leader from day one. I never questioned or doubted or aligned myself with another. Because I couldn't see you I know you gave this shepherd for me to follow in your stead. What a gift! But the real gift would be to see you face to face, just like this, in your palace everyday."

The three wise men stifled their pain and exhaustion and stood tall awaiting a favorable reply from the King. I was certain they would be granted their request as they had done everything that had been asked of them their entire lives! Then I saw the King walk past the first wise man with his boulder sized Holy Book. He brushed by the second wise man and stepped over his chains and around his mountainous Building. And just when I thought he was reaching out for the third wise man the king instead used his arm to knock down the Giant Man and continued walking until he came to a small child who had been watching the great spectacle. The child took a step back, and lowered his head. After kneeling down, with one gentle hand the King reached out and lifted the chin of the child and with the other hand he took the boys clinched fists into his own.

"Child, what do hold onto so tightly in your hands? What is it that you cling to?" asked the King.

"Only two small twigs, King, tied together. I only hold onto a cross."

"As do I, my boy."

The boy was lifted into the King's arms and carried into the palace as the three wise men, with their inadequate offerings, looked on in shock.

Huge Cleaning Day 2011

2011-08-28T20:38:00.001-07:00

I tell you what, after a FULL day of pulling stuff out of nooks and crannies and corners and shelves and boxes (that haven't been opened in three moves) I am feeling good! We can actually park one car in our (two car) garage, it's amazing! I tried to evaluate what I consider precious, and for what reason, and after it was all said and done, after HUGE amounts of stuff were set out on our curb for Salvation Army (or whomever so desires) one thing became very clear to me - I am a sucker for monograming. What in the world?

I had no problem putting sweet little shoes and tiny little newborn socks into the bag, but, Lord help me, if it had an A for Addie anywhere on it I held onto it for dear life! Burp cloths. Who keeps burp clothes? They clean up our baby's snot and semi-digested puke. But slap TROY across the bottom in a cute font with a ribbon and there is NO WAY I can part with such a dear thing. A tattered cloth tote, worn at the seams with holes in the corners, obviously trash except it has BENJAMIN stitched along the top, SAVED PILE. I couldn't help myself. It has a name on it, it's so personal. I'm not just throwing out Mia's onesie I'm throwing out a piece of Mia! Holy smokes I had to let. stuff. go. Let it go! I held onto a few things I think the kids will enjoy seeing one day (or at least the boys' wives will) but I had to draw the line at monogramed plasticware, am I right?

As I was torturing myself with whether or not I should keep certain items I kept one of my lifelong goals pictured in my head: When I die I think it'd be hilarious to tow an open and empty U-Haul trailer behind my hearse with a sign hanging down that says, "You can't take it with you." Wouldn't that be awesome? I suppose the only place a monogrammed name matters is in the book of life (Rev.21:27). . . no Pottery Barn catalog can offer that, now can it?

Never Fails

2011-08-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

I dress them in swimsuits. Slather on the sunscreen. Pack snacks, towels and a changed of clothes. Head to fountains at the Spectrum and.... NOTHING. They want nothing to do with the water.

BUT

Go at 7pm when they should be well on their way to bed, to run into Target, where the fountain happens to be strategically placed in front of, with no swimsuits, no towel or change of clothes, not even a napkin to dry off with, and BAM they swarm the fountain like they're going on a ride at Disneyland! Every fiber of being told me it was going to end badly. I saw them eyeing it, I saw them tip-toeing over, I saw them look back at me for approval aaaaaand I could not resist!

Before they got too carried away I informed them that it was gong to be an ugly ending. They were going to be cold and wet and miserable and they wouldn't be allowed to complain because I told them it was going to happen. (Like when they receive a balloon and I make them recite, "This balloon will either pop or fly away and I will not cry when it happens.") They had fair warning.

They had a great time!

And overall, sans a nudey Troy

and a freezing Addie,

they held their tongues when it was time to go.

When we were walking back to the parking lot a seasoned mother (probably had grandkids of her own) chuckled as we past by. I apologized for my nearly naked son and mentioned our "run in" with a certain, unavoidable fountain. She just laughed and said, "I LOVE it! That is where the real fun is! Run in fountains with your clothes on while you can, kids, before you're too old and you get the cops called on you for doing it!"

Truer words were never spoken.

Psalm 105:1-5

2011-08-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name:
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!
Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he uttered..."

I wish I had read this at the beginning of my day instead of right now... I wonder if my disgusting and horribly ugly attitude toward my children would've been any different had I been giving "thanks to the Lord and calling upon his name"? Multiple times today I was the one who was out of line. I was the one who was yelling and throwing a tantrum. I was not "telling of all his wondrous works" in the least bit. I did not seek the Lord and his strength, nor his presence continually. I sought my chocolate chips cookies and rejoiced in bedtime. And now I'm sitting here reading the Word and thinking, how will they ever believe a word in the Bible when I act so contradictory to what it says? Everyone has their off days, I get that, but oh ... I crushed some spirits today. My words were cutting. And now as I read, and my heart is tuned, and I WISH I would've had my mind set on the things above starting at 6AM.

I see why David, the psalmist, talks over and over again about meeting with God in the morning. It gives a direction, and hope and strong words to have in my heart (and on my tongue) for the rest of the day. I really think there is something to reading the Word before I open my mouth in the morning... I need to refine my resolve to do that. If today wasn't a prime example of reading BEFORE my attitude plummets I don't know what is. Whose with me?? Text me in the morning with what you've read!!

Shattering Lies

2011-08-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

I almost didn't go to church this weekend because I didn't feel pretty. There are so many things wrong with that statement I don't even know where to begin! Mark had to be there early so he was already gone, the kids were fed, dressed and ready to go, and there I was in the bathroom washing and plucking and brushing and powdering and painting my face all so that ... so that what? I could be more acceptable to God? So that I could apply the sermon more accurately or worship more beautifully? No. What it was, really, was me trying to make it look like I hadn't spent the day deep cleaning bedrooms and folding 6 loads of laundry. It was me thinking about what I wore the previous week to make sure I didn't wear it again. And there I was, making my family late, and contemplating not even going because I didn't feel pretty.

I recognized the sin of vanity right away and marched myself to church, but I'm still so bothered that my solution to my "problem" was to just not go to church at all. It sounds so ridiculous now! I started praying about it this afternoon and the Holy Spirit used that time to open my eyes to the many tactics, or lies, the Enemy will use to keep us from God's house. Why on earth would he want me to go and fellowship with other believers? Do I really think he just stands aside and plugs his ears while we hear the Word of God read aloud, empowering us? Of course not! I believe with all my heart that he does whatever he can to make me want to stay home every time there is a church service, or a Bible study, or any kind of gathering that elevates the name of Jesus Christ.

I know this because it is so much easier to stay home.

My kids will probably wind up sick, and I'll probably have to leave early to get the screaming Mia. I've gone to church my whole life, missing one Sunday is not going to hurt me. And going to church doesn't make or break salvation anyway. If believers are The Church all I really need to do is hang out with my Christian friends and it'll be like I've gone to church, right? Bottom line is I just don't feel like going, and no one will notice I'm not there, it's just not that big of a deal. Besides, I can watch it online.

Lies, all lies.

It's not about going to church, or meeting in a building, or doing what I'm "supposed to". It's about setting apart some time (and really, compared to the early churches, it's not that much time) each week to glean from the shepherding of a pastor who is gifted in teaching the truth of the Bible. It's about seeing my friends so we can talk about the works of Christ and how our lives are different because of it. It's about falling in love with my Savior, so much so that I would do anything, even show up with no makeup on wearing the same thing I wore last week >gasp!<, just to learn more about Him.

And the Enemy loves to distract my focus on Jesus by turning my thoughts ever back to me, and what I feel like.

Have we not be over this before? Senza Cristo, niente.

Without Christ, nothing.

Addie and Jesus

2011-08-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

(For my memory...)

Near the end of Toy Story 3 there's a scene where Woody, Buzz and all of Andy's toys are falling down a huge garbage pit into an incinerator. The kids were watching that movie today and I was off doing dishes when I hear Addison yelling at the computer screen, "PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD! PUT YOUR FAITH IN JESUS! HURRY! PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD!" I ran over wondering what on earth she was doing and she told me, "All the toys are going down to hell so I'm telling them to put their faith in God so they can be saved."

People say that children don't "get it" when it comes to being a Christian. They say they are too young to fully understand the implications of being a follower of Christ. I might agree, to some extent. But I live with Addison Sarah Fitzpatrick, and I think Jesus had her pictured in his mind when he talked about childlike faith. He had to have been thinking about Addie when he told the disciples to back off and let the little children come to him. Because this girl, this little freckly faced, blued eyed, dimple cheeked girl, is getting it. More than I do at times.

It takes my breath away to think about the ways God can use a child like Addison who wears her Jesus loving heart on her sleeve.

Tonight on the way to church she said, "I hope we don't get in a crash and die. Even though I want to go to Heaven, I want to have babies." That's my girl. :-)

I pray as life becomes more than sticker books and baby dolls that her sweet faith, her pure heart, her total trust in Jesus, will stand firm. I am so thankful for this little girl!

A New Medium

2011-08-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

Ben had a little academic assessment before starting Kindergarden and it was pointed out that he didn't stay inside the lines very well when coloring and I almost said "Thank you!" but then realized they saw this as not such a great thing. I guess years of me telling him that if he wanted to extend the landscape of his imagination beyond the bold black boundary lines in his coloring book he could because he was the artist and it was his masterpiece wasn't the quite the training they were looking for. (Side note: I have since learned to appreciate the lines in coloring books as good tools for teaching self control and following directions. There are blessings in obedience, even in coloring books!) Another reason why I'm thankful to have Ben home two days a week during the school year; we can be as creative and "boundary-less" as we want with our art.

I've always wanted to be an artist, but have never dedicated any substantial time to tapping into that dream. I've always considered myself artistic to some degree, but really what it is is a deep appreciation for all things art. I love dance, but I can't dance. I love music but I don't play. I love theater but I don't preform. And I love art. I want to paint on canvas, with oils or acrylics or watercolors or whatever. I just want to paint. I've wanted to paint for a long time and then one day I saw a huge gorgeous painting at my friend's house, that she had done herself, and I thought, "If she can buy a canvas and paint it, I can buy a canvas and paint it." (albeit not nearly as beautifully as she did, I'm sure) but I never got around to buying a canvas, and never got around to painting. More recently, while soaking up all the beautiful pieces of art at Laguna Beach's Pageant of the Masters, I was hugely inspired and fell in love with art all over again and left telling Mark I'm going to become an artist. I'm sure he was thrilled. I talked to one artist for a little bit that night and he said he started drawing when he was 40. I thought, Hey! I'm only 30! I've got 10 years on this guy!!

I do not expect to be very good. I have no technique, and have never had a desire to learn one. I took art in college and didn't do very well. I kept seeing the vase differently, and therefore drawing it differently, than I was supposed to. I'd still like to try now though. I'm ready for some color! I love to write, but there is something about getting colors on canvas that tell a story that sounds so appealing to me, even if I'm the only one who understands the story.

All this to say: my goal is to paint one canvas before my next birthday. I have a little over 2 months to accomplish this... I'm so excited! What should I paint?? How big should the canvas be?? Where will I get the money to buy said canvas?? Will I find that I love it or toss it out with the Thursday morning trash? Fun times are brewing friends! Fun times...

2011-07-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

It's gonna break his heart one day when he figures out the implications of the word "COUSINS".

Eye Gazing

2011-07-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

It is no surprise that I have to fight to get face time with each of my children, or rather they have to fight to get face time with me. Sometimes it's 6pm and I'll grab a face between my hands and say, "Have I even SEEN you today?" Isn't that sad? I look at my kids all day long. I look at them when I'm helping them pull a shirt over their head, or buckling a bike helmet. I look at them around the dinner table and when I tuck the blankets under their chins bedtime. But do I really see them? It is a conscious decision for me to stop whatever it is I'm doing and turn to my child to answer their question -after I've let them complete the question - while looking them straight in the face, really seeing them.

When Ben had his moral interview for his school, over a year ago, one of the habits he showed was this: He fully listened to the questions they asked, and answered them spot on, but kept his eyes on other things, almost like he was too busy to stop and look when spoken too.

I wonder where he learned that?

How often do I say to my children, "Stop and look at me while I'm talking to you, it shows me that you care about what I'm saying."? A lot, I say that a lot. And if my kids dared to be so bold I'm sure they'd say the exact same thing to me.

I prayed about this last night, that I would be in the moment with my children -which was once a stronger trait for me but has become a lost art. This morning we built "The Best Tent Ever" in the family room and played bear cubs and mama bear. We had snacks and stories and make believe goodness for a big chunk of time. Then I looked at the clock and realized it was nearly time to go to swim lessons.

We played hooky on swim lessons.

I couldn't miss this moment with my kids. And even though we had been playing for surely a "sufficient" amount of time they were still so engaged and I was afraid to blink lest it all end too suddenly.

Wise mothers of grown children stop me and offer to trade their quiet, leisurely stroll through the grocery store to have just one more day with their children at my children's ages. Swim lessons will always be there, but the eyes of my little ones will not always be on me. These are precious, precious times and I want to make sure I see them.

Summer Read, for Kids

2011-07-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

We like to have a chapter book to read to the kids before bedtime. We've done the first three books in the Narnia series, then The Jesus Storybook Bible (which we adored and still read often) and just recently I picked up this little beauty from our church's bookstore, Dangerous Journey: The Story of Pilgrim's Progress.
Loving it, loving it! I read Pilgrim's Progress in Jr.High and really enjoyed it, and this version stays true to the original by John Buynan, but in a more concise form. It doesn't shy away from the evil of this world but also beautifully illustrates the (eventual) victory Christians have over evil through Christ our Savior. And did I mention the pictures are gorgeous? They are. If you're looking for something a little heavier to read with your kids, and they love action and adventure stories with a Biblical theme, then pick then check this book out.

PS. Compass Bible Church sells the book for a dollar less than Amazon, if you're in the Aliso Viejo area and want to swing by. The good ol' local library should have it too. :)

Oh Me

2011-07-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

I talk too much. I defend myself when I should be humble. I'm a one-upper, especially when it comes to talking about my kids. I think about what I'm going to say next while barely listening to the person who is still talking. I talk a lot about things I want to do and then do hardly any of them. I misrepresent my God, which is heartbreaking and scary. I hurt people's feelings. I comment on facebook and blogs like it's my job, no really, like it's my duty to put my two cents worth in, like I'm doing people a great service.

I'm kinda grossed out by the amount of ME I put out there.

It's not about me.

It's about Christ, period. And when I talk and talk and talk I take that focus away, and kind of borrow his glory for a moment, and it has got to stop.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Isaiah 32:17
And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.

These two verses cut me to the core, and provide much for me to meditate on - quietly.

34%

2011-07-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

"34% OF CHRISTIAN FAMILIES CONSIDER ADOPTING & ONLY 1 % OF CHRISTIAN FAMILIES ACTUALLY DO."

(Sarah's reasons) Why we haven't adopted:

1. I'm afraid of what our families will think, say behind my back, or say to my face. And that they'll treat our child differently.
2. Money, or the lack thereof.
3. I'm afraid of feeling isolated as a mother, or like my friends won't feel like they relate so they'll disengage even more (having "a handful" of kids has produced this to some degree already).
4. Am I just being trendy?
5. How does a different ethnicity, adopted child feel in a family full of whites, in a city, county and state full of white people? How will that play out when that child is an adult?

Why we will:

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I John 3:18

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Proverbs 31:8-9

Religion that God our Father Accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:27

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.
Matthew 18:5

God sets the lonely in families.
Psalm 68:6

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in, .....
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth,
whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me'.
Matthew 25:35,40

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.
Psalms 10:14,17-18

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.
Isaiah 1:17

Praying with Kids

2011-07-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

When I first met one of my nearest and dearest friends, Lolly, I very quickly noticed the way she talked about, and talked to, Jesus - all. the. time. I think pretty much anyone who has met her has noticed this sweet little truth about her, she talks like he is her best friend, because he is. Many, many times I would be hanging with her and she'd just start talking with the Lord like He's sitting right there with us. I think she'd say, "And why not? He is, isn't he?" I loved this about Lol. So I started doing it too. And the more I talked with Jesus the more I realized he's not a "One bff" kind of guy, and he became my best friend too.

Jesus and I talk all the time, all day long, into the night. We talk a lot because I am a lousy mommy on my own, but with a constant spirit of prayer I get to pull from God's love and strength. It is painfully obvious when I am acting of my own accord. I pray out loud so frequently that my kids will sometimes do it too, which I love. When we get a nice parking spot Addison will say, "Hallelujah, thank you Jesus for this great parking spot!" One of the many great things about praying out loud around my kids is they get to hear me casting my cares to the Lord (1 Peter 5:1) and they learn to go to Him with any and every thought or concern.

Not too long ago Mia had been out of sorts for what felt like days, crying and screaming all the time. At one point I had the kids in the car driving somewhere and she was just crying and crying and crying - and I was about to join her. I stopped the car and we all prayed for her. We prayed that if she was in pain that the Lord would heal her, that God would give me wisdom to know what's bothering her so I could more accurately help her, and that - should His will be for her to continue crying- we all would have the grace to endure with patience and love. And I kid you not, as soon as I said amen she stopped crying. Just like that! The look on Ben and Addison and Troy's face was priceless! It was the sweetest gift from the Lord, not just that Mia stopped screaming and we could hear our own thoughts again, but that it was SO OBVIOUS it was nothing any of us did but only an immediate, favorable answer from the Lord! So then we got to pray again, praising Him for blessing us in such a cool way. The kids were giddy, I was giddy, it was a sight to behold. And I think if I had prayed quietly to myself, or not at all, how differently the tone in the car would've been. It was so neat to share that moment with them. I bet if you asked any of them about it they'd remember how God answered our prayers for Mia that day.

They might also remember the day we didn't a get blowup pool at a store because it was too expensive, so we prayed that God would bless our decision to be good stewards of our money. Just a few days later Ben found the exact same pool at a garage sale (new, still in the box) for a 1/3 the price of the one at the store! It was another great opportunity for us to see how God hears our prayers and sometimes we get the answer we were hoping for. (And that God loves to give good gifts to his children, for no special reason except that he loves us.)

Sometimes we don't get the answer we were hoping for though. In those times I love praying with the kids that instead of giving us what we want, we would want what God wants, and that He'd give us peace and patience and grace while we work through the answer of no. Learning to accept a "no" is not as fun as receiving the blessing of a discounted blowup pool, but I'm pretty sure it's of equal, or greater, importance.

I'd love to hear how you incorporate prayer into your everyday life...

1...2...3...

2011-07-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

This girl is no different than my other fearless fish. Loving lots of swim time this summer!

Woohoo!!!

2011-07-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

Mark and I got away for the night last weekend! It was SO refreshing to just be with him. No agenda, except the fantastic wedding we made it to late Saturday afternoon. We ate when we wanted, what we wanted (without sharing with anyone!) and just breathed and talked and relaxed. I was giddy the entire time. (Thank you to my stellar mom-in-law and Nonny who loved on our kids and kept them alive for 36+ hours!!)

We toured Stone Brewery.

I've never toured a brewery before, so it was really interesting.

The architecture was probably my favorite part. You can guess what Mark's favorite part was...

If you're ever in the San Marcos/Escondido area check it out. Free tours + free beer = nice kick off to our get away. :-) Plus they serve their (locally roasted) coffee in a french press. Hello! That was awesome.

The next morning we ate breakfast at a hole-in-the-wall cafe in old town Carlsbad, it was perfection. I'm so happy that my parents raised me to love and appreciate the town hole-in-the-wall joint. Always the best food, always.

After that we drove down PCH in Mark's speedy car and stopped when we wanted for whatever we wanted. One time it was just so we could sit on a bench and watch the ocean and talk about whatever...

...like how Mark would coach me across a piranha filled river using a tree he chopped down while stranded (together) on a deserted island. Because when you don't have four chatty-cathys vying for a spot in the conversation you can talk about silly daydreamy stuff.

Then we worked our way back up PCH and ate at a real Mexican food place (because they have those in abundance San Diego county) and changed for the wedding in a Old Navy dressing room.

(Please notice the GORGEOUS necklace I am wearing. It too can be yours for only $25!! Bring my bestie's baby HOME!)

After a full day and a half of just Mark my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I am so grateful to have a husband that after nearly 9 years of being married (granted I realize that's not exactly a long time) I still really, really, really like him. The love factor is a given, but that I just enjoy him so much and feel like I'm the lucky one who gets to know this guy like no one else gets to is pretty awesome.

Aaaaaand... we totally missed our kids (but not until the very end). We even listened to audio-memo messages recorded by them for a good portion of the 45 minute drive home. :-) Cannot get over the gift the Lord has given me in my family, and what grace He has shown to shower me with such undeserved blessings.

On the Way to the Beach...

2011-07-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

B- "Mom, I need to save my money for ten more years."

Me- "Why ten years?"

B- "Because then I'll be 16 and can drive and can buy a Corvette."

See why a day without luxuries might do us some good?

Go With Me On This...

2011-07-06T14:32:00.001-07:00

I keep having this vision of doing "A Day in the Life of..." with my kids. One day, when they least expect it, I want to plan an entire day where we do as much as we can to emulate the life of another family in a poorer culture. Upon waking up we could go for a very long walk that circles back to our house where we will fill and carry jugs of water gotten out of our hose. Instead of walking from the hose back to our house we'll walk the very long walk again. We won't wear shoes. Or turn on the AC. We won't sit on the couch or use the computer or any other electronic devise. We won't snack on teddy grahams or Pirate Booty, we won't snack at all. (For this I will remove all the food from the house.) We will have a mash of lentils and rice for lunch and dinner, and sit on the floor while we eat. We will play with toys that we make out of stuff that we find on our very long walk. I will wear Mia on my back - or maybe Ben will wear Mia on his back? They will nap and sleep on a mat on the floor. We will have a dance party with instruments that we make out of things that we find. We will have a fire pit and Ben and Troy will be in charge of finding all the sticks and wood for the fire (that's actually not too far from the norm).

A lot of these things my children will love - but most of it they will hate, like the food - or lack thereof.

Does this sound like a good idea? I don't know... Will it register with them? Will it have the desired impact? They are just SO beyond privileged. If they lose or break something they get a new one right away. If they are hungry they snack on the sweetest, most delicious food as often as they'd like. They take water with them wherever they go - and extra toys too incase they get bored, even if we're going to the park.

I am grateful, believe me, SO grateful to live where we do. To have the schools and the healthcare and the churches and the FREEDOM. And it probably took me 27 years to learn this kind of gratefulness. But why not give my kids just a taste, a little hint, of what it's like for THOUSANDS of other children. Will it be worth it? I can't say. But I'm praying about it. And I think it'd be pretty awesome if other families wanted to do the same thing with us. I'd love feedback on this! Good idea? Not so goo? Why or why not? Any other ideas for me?

For Jules...

2011-06-29T21:53:00.001-07:00

Julie once told me when I have writers block or whatever that I should at least post pictures of kids. Noted!

Gross. Isn't that one of Ben so disturbing??

Did you notice the shadow profile? I love that.

LOVE YOU JULIE!!!

Crabby Dinner

2011-06-28T22:00:00.001-07:00

Yum.

Leisure World and Me

2011-06-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Our new house is fantabulous. I am loving living here! It's nothing fancy, but I think that's what I like most about it. We are not a fancy family, so we fit right in. Our little neighborhood was built with the intention of being part of Leisure World, which pretty much surrounds us. I'm not sure why it didn't make the cut, but it was left with all the special little features of an old folks home. Like no gas. And light switches that are super low - like Mia low. And ramps for wheelchairs, which makes for some excellent scooter riding.

You know what else living in a highly concentrated city of elderly people makes for? Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally slooooooooow check out lines at the grocery store.

But it also makes for a surplus of grannies chomping at the (toothless) bit to ooo and ahhh over my kiddies while I wait (eons) in said lines.

And it give us a chance to practice patience, graciousness, and honoring our elders.

Our house has a lovely breeze and lots of beautiful flowers and neighbors that stop and say hello. It's small so I know where my kids are and it's close to Ben's school, Mark's work and our church - woohoo! It's also close to things like coin shops and beauty parlors and golf-cart repair stores. Oh and another benefit of living so close to these precious people is the abundance of ambulances and emergency vehicles at the ready. I've never felt so safe.

I'm so thankful for the random gift of this house. Now come visit us!

Soften Me

2011-06-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I struggle with one of my children who's heart has hardened in some areas. It scares me to see a hardened heart at such a young age! The sin of pride is such a difficult one to uproot and remove, and it breaks my heart to see my little one battling it already. Sometimes the breaking of pride can be very, very painful, and who likes to see their child experience pain?

Isaiah 66:2
"... But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word."

I wish I could make my child tremble at the word of God! Sometimes it can be so frustrating to say the same thing, over and over again, obviously not getting to the root of the problem. It is my tendency to respond with, "Look at all you have! You are so well provided for! You want for nothing, you have no needs, you are lavishly loved, and all I ask in return is that you trust and obey. Why is that so difficult? Why won't you let me lead you?" I have cried over this many times.

Sometimes I take my children's repentance on as if its MY doing, and not the Holy Spirit's.

Romans 2:4 "... God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance"

God's kindness, not my lectures.

And the same day I was talking about this with some friends I went home and read chapter 9 of Nehemiah (Daily Bible Reading) and it was my heart that was softened when I read of how God responded to his chosen people - over and over again.

"But they and our fathers acted presumptuously and stiffened their neck and did not obey your commandments. They refused to obey and were not mindful of the wonders that you performed among them, but they stiffened their neck,

~ But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them.

Even when they had made for themselves a golden calf and said, 'This is your God who brought you up out of Egypt', and had committed great blasphemies,

~you in your great mercies did not forsake them in the wilderness. The pillar of cloud to lead them in the way did not depart from them by day, nor the pillar of fire by night to light for them the way by which they should go. You gave your good Spirit to instruct them and did not withhold your manna from their mouth and gave them water for their thirst. Forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell... So they ate and were filled and became fat and delighted themselves in your great goodness.

Nevertheless, they were disobedient and rebelled against you and cast your law behind their back and killed your prophets, who had warned them in order to turn them back to you, and they committed great blasphemies...

~ And in the time of their suffering they cried out to you and you heard them from heaven, and according to your great mercies you gave them saviors who saved them from the hand of their enemies.

But after they had rest they did evil again before you,

~ Yet when they turned and cried to you, you heard from heaven, and many times you delivered them according to your mercies.

Yet they acted presumptuously and did not obey your commandments, but sinned against your rules, ... and they turned a stubborn shoulder and stiffened their neck and would not obey.

~ Many years you bore with them,

Yet they would not give ear.

~Nevertheless, in your great mercies you did not make an end of them or forsake them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.

This encourages me to no end! I need to point out that God didn't show endless mercy only, I edited out all the parts where he punished them for their disobedience, and I'm thinking his punishments were extremely painful. (You should go read the entire chapter so you see the entire picture.) But I want to highlight how hardhearted the Israelites were, turning a stubborn shoulder and stiffening their necks even! And yet time after time God bore with them, leading them in the wilderness, sustaining them with food and water. He was SO faithful, even though they turned away and sinned again, and again, and again. Just like my child, and just like me.

Seeing His mercy played out like this refreshes my resolve to not give up on my dear little one. It also puts me right back under the mercies of God because at the end of the day I am no different that my child; a sinner in desperate need of a Savior.

A Lesson in the Making

2011-06-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

I believe one of Satan's most effective tools to disable The Body is guilt. So frequently I hear people (mom's mostly) mention at some point in the conversation how they're feeling guilty about something. I did a very quick word search in my Bible today of the word 'guilt' and skimmed over every passage that uses that word and my general feeling after I was done was that the guilt of the Bible is not the guilt that people feel when they say things like, "I feel so guilty because I took a shower while my baby sat in the crib and cried." What I gathered, and this is largely the reason why I want to dig in deeper and read more about the topic of guilt, is that the guilt in the Bible is a result of sin. And the guilt one might feel for leaving a crying baby in a crib is not so much guilt as it is a feeling of remorse. BUT, like I said, the search I did on this was very quick and I'm excited to find out more.
Here's what I know, and please correct me if I'm wrong or add to what I'm saying: Guilt has a job; to convict us of sin, and once that job is done - the conviction has been recognized and repentance has occurred - the guilt must leave. There is no room for it in the heart that belongs to the Lord. I think that's when the enemy swoops in and temps us to allow the guilt to linger well past it's appointed time.
Oh there is so much to learn about this! I'd really like to study this further in the Bible. If anyone has any great references or commentaries for me send me their names. I'd love to hear feedback... where do I take my search? Are there specific things that you seem to constantly feel guilt about? I think the topic is entirely relevant and guilt is robing loads of people everyday from the blessings the Lord has for them. Like I said though, I have a lot to learn about this...

Mia

2011-06-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

She REALLY loves me.

Love might be an understatement.

Obsession comes to mind.

So does leech.

I know this is a phase, I know it - I know it - I know it. But COME ON girl!

I decided to document parts of her day, and by "her" I mean "our".

I needed to fold laundry, so she had to sit over here.

But got closer.

... and closer

VICTORY! (hers, not mine, I know that.)

One time I removed her and ran, and came back to this...

which she thought was hilarious.

I know the right thing to do; the girl needs some hardcore heart training. If another mother came to me with this attachment problem I'd have buckets full of sound, even biblical, advise to nip this baby in the bud. But when it comes to me, and my Mia, it is SO DIFFICULT. I have my reasons (cough cough -excuses- cough cough) but the truth is this little mini-me has me wrapped around her finger.

Cus she's just

so

cute.

"...For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

I want her heart to be beautiful for the Lord. And I believe that starts really, really young, like first breath young. So it's my job - before laundry and dishes and all that stuff - to spend a day or two (or ten) and train my sweet babe to honor the Lord by honoring me. "Holy smokes - she's too young, she can't understand!" Oh she can friends, she can.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Unintentional Pause

2011-06-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

I am sorry about the break from my blog, I didn't mean to make it so long, I didn't mean for there to be a break at all, actually. It's not for lack of material, as I have kids to constantly provide something right? But here's the truth, the honest truth of why I haven't written. I have a friend who just spent 10 days in Uganda with her husband working with Katie Davis and Amazima and spending time with the least of the least. They were bombarded with emotions - and I can't help wondering how they're going to come home and process it all. How does one come back to Orange County and pick up right back where they left off and carry on? Or maybe they won't, maybe they'll be completely different and they'll pack their bags and move to Africa before any of us can say, "How was your trip?" How can I even ask her that question?? Where will she begin? So I haven't been able to write because for nearly two weeks my brain and my heart and my soul have been literally heavy with prayers for them.

I cannot wait to hear about God's glory shining there and what that looks like. I can't wait to hear about the joy and the pain and realness and the frustration and the love and the greatness and the shock and the passion and the perspective. I also can't wait to just sit and say nothing and silently be reminded that God is good, and perfect, and boundless, and just. And she doesn't have to say anything for me to know that... but I sure hope she does.

Here's a Nugget

2011-05-17T22:36:00.001-07:00

Want to know one of the best pieces of advice ever given to me? I will tell you, because I feel like we've gotten closer and because I go on all the time about loving Jesus more and saving the world and you hang with me, so you deserve to be privy to such a treasure as this.

First I should tell you that my first real crush was on Prince William.

Not this one:

This one:

When he was young and his sweet mother had just tragically died. I don't even know how i knew about it, but I did and my heart was so heavy for him because I felt like he wasn't going to be able to be sad or happy or anything as long as he was living within the palace walls. So I wrote him a letter, dead serious here, I wrote him and told him that if he ever needed to just "get away" he could come stay with me and my family and I would tell everyone he was an old friend from Mississippi. (How he was going to mask his British accent with a southern drawl was up to him). Needless to say he did not take me up on my offer.

Ok, back to one of the best pieces of advice ever given to me...

It was given by my daddy. :-)

What's the advice? And how on earth does it relate to Prince William?

My dad told me, right before I married Mark, that one of the best things I could ever do for my marriage is treat Mark like he is number one over anyone, EVER. Treat him like no matter who asked me to dinner I would say no way! because I already have the best dinner date in the world. Even if every movie star and every model and every super hot soccer player in the world (you know who I'm talking about Hools) were lined up begging me to run away with them I'd laugh in their faces because my husband has them all beat and I wouldn't trade him for anything, or anyone. Not even Prince William.

So that's what I do.

I know, I know, it's a bit of a stretch to think that David Beckham would be at my door pining after me, but I can't say that the single dad at the park hasn't given me the eye, looking for a baby mama. (Then he quickly turns away as he sees "the baby" far out number "the mama" with me, ha!.) But I think you get the point.

I love that advice, and I love doing my best to live it out every day. So there you go. Love your mate like they're the #1 person in the world. (Of course they're not really, that spot has been filled.)

Who, me?

2011-05-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'd consider myself a judgmental person, but I was (thankfully) called out on this recently and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Not only was it judging- it was gossiping, and if there's two things I really don't like it for SURE is judging and gossiping. (Shout out to a good friend who called it when she saw it - LOVE THAT!!)

I've been thinking a good deal about this and have come to the conclusion that I've never considered it being judgmental before because I'm super sweet about it. Mmmhmm, sweet like strawberry lemonade on a hot summer day. I say things like, "Her ...*insert annoying personality trait*... is not really my favorite thing about her." Or I spin it like it's my problem and say, "It's a challenge for me to like that about him." Or I twist it into something positive (ha!) by saying, "I'd really like to work on not being like that girl." See what I did there? Pretty smooth, eh? NO! It's awful! Not because I'm suppose to be BFF's with every person I meet but because I am supposed to LOVE every person I meet. It's true! Jesus talks all the time about loving others. ALL others, not just others that I mesh well with.

John 13:34
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."

John 13:35
"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

John 15:12
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."

John 15:17
"These things I command you, so that you will love one another."

Romans 12:10
"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Oh I love that... outdo one another... I think that's one I need to memorize, and maybe my kids need to too. :-)

Just last week Ben's memory verse was James 3:8, "but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." Blech... just reading that verse makes me want to rinse with Scope. I do NOT want to be spitting poison at people!

And the thing that so bad about gossip is that it so easily can bring the listener in on the sin too, tempting them to join right in and put that person down along with you. It is easier to just smile and nod in agreement when someone is putting down someone else - however sweetly they may be doing it, than to stop them. That's why I was SO glad when my dear friend stopped and laughed and said the conversation was ridiculous and put an end to it. It was ridiculous! At first I really truly thought I hadn't said anything mean, but then I thought if the person had walked back in the room, say to pick up a coat or something left behind, would I have continued? I think not!

I'm going to be keeping a watchful eye on the words coming out of my mouth and holding them up to the Light of Jesus to see if they are words I'd want to say to him, if not, then I best keep my mouth shut.

So I want to know, are there phrases in your conversations that sugar coat the deadly poison coming from your mouth? What are ways you "... put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth."? (Colossians 3:8)

I Want to be Rich

2011-05-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

I worked in a restaurant years ago (I'm old enough to say "years ago"!) and just about every Friday night a couple would come in and sit at a table for hours. And pretty regularly, just as they were finishing their meal, the husband would take a stroll around the dining room and find the youngest couple in the place and tell us servers that he's got their bill. The man and his wife remembered what it was like to be young, newly married, perhaps with small kids at home, and even though they weren't dripping with money themselves they knew - odds were - they had more money than the young couple. So without ever saying anything to the young couple, the older couple blessed them in such a cool, tangible way. I LOVED being the server of the young couple and getting to tell them their check had been taken care of!!! But I also loved being the server of the older couple because they generously gave without expectation or pride.

I am tempted to wallow in the "whoa is the world" mentality and blame it all on the rich people because isn't their fault, after all, that we even have poor? Can't they just write a whopper of a check and POOF starvation and homelessness would be wiped out? Not so much. I have step back and remind myself that "... the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils." (1 Timothy 6:10). It doesn't say that money in and of itself is evil.

I want to be a giver of self, and that includes money! But it takes money to give money, no? And I think it's a fine line we walk down, as Mark works his tail off and we dream of "making it big". Vacations or mission trips? Clothes or charity work? Send a child in Uganda to school for a year for less than it costs to send my son to school for a month?... these are the moral dilemmas we toss around. And while some of them are no brainers I think being raised in a society where "my comforts first and then I'll give" is the norm it becomes a discipline to not consider giving a sacrifice, but life. Period.

I don't have to look across the globe to find a family in need either, they are here, in my family, in my church, in my neighborhood, in my everyday life. (Heck, some days I feel like a family in need!) I love thinking globally, but in the last couple of weeks I've been reminded to think locally as well. How quick would I jump to take a child of strangers for weeks or months if their parents needed time - but how quick am I to take a child of a friend just for a few hours?

Or like the other day, I saw part of a forwarded email and one friend was asking another friend, "Is there ANYTHING I can help you with to lessen your load?" I love that!!! I want to be a person who asks people that! (And follows through...)

Oh Sarah, it's always something with you... I realize that. I do. But I can't just sit on this stuff! And I think the more I share the more accountability I have, and the more we can come together and share the love of Christ with people.

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?" 1 John 3:16-17

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am surrounded by AMAZING mothers - of course one is my very own mother, and another is my fabulous mother-in-law, who faithfully and willingly and (most of the time) lovingly put other's needs before their own. And for you - dear mothers who I'm blessed to do life with, I am so thankful, so so thankful. I do hope you are lavishly loved by your kiddies all day and feel the full blessing of Proverbs 31:28.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:"

Ugandan Necklaces are In!

2011-05-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

They're HERE! These fantastic necklaces all the way from Uganda are here, in my house, ready to be in YOUR house - and around your neck. :-)
A group of women in Uganda hand make these necklaces from recycled paper. They roll the beads by hand, dip them in varnish, and thread them onto the string. Prior to learning how to make these beads, most of the women "picked trash" or turned to prostitution to provide for their children. But now these women have a commodity, and a community.

"By purchasing these necklaces, you help a mother earn make a sustainable income to provide for her family. We are also proud to donate to Amazima Ministries' feeding program from the profits of these necklaces. The feeding program, run by Katie Davis, provides food to children and their families in the same area of Uganda. It is a beautiful, full circle story of the body of Christ."

And to make the circle a little wider, 147 Million Orphans allows adopting families, like my precious Coulombe family, to purchase these necklaces in bulk, then sell them for profit, to raise funds to bring their children home. It really is beautiful!

So place your orders now friends! Only $20! Mother's Day is right around the corner, and birthdays are coming up, and the school year is almost over so teacher gifts need to be purchased. But above all those reasons, there's the simple reason of helping to bring a baby girl home to her forever family.

Happy (belated) Earth Day!

2011-04-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

Psalm 8

LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen,
and also the beasts of the field,
the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Good Friday trumped Earth Day last friday, so here's a little video from my most favorite band singing about how everything of the earth rises up to worship the Lord. It's acoustic and in a forrest, so if you're really wanting to hear the awesomeness of the lyrics click here.

Water

2011-04-23T19:34:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about water since my pastor preached on Good Friday about the significance of the water seen with the blood coming out of the pierced side of Jesus. The bible is full of water references, and it's common knowledge that we can't live without it.

And yet some people do.

And by some, I mean nearly 1 billion.

My pastor mentioned Japan and their loss of water and how people all over the world are shipping cases and pallets and flats and cargo planes full of bottled water.

It is devastating and unfathomable to say the least.

But it's not unique.

There are people in this world, under our watch as Christians, who have lived without water- real, drinkable, clean water- for years. Decades with no water.

Yes, they have liquid they drink. They might have a community spigot, sometimes in their town, most of the time not. They might have a creek, or a small body of water, which is also the watering/bathing hole for all of the local people and local animals, which is sometimes 3 hours away, which also breeds misquotes, which breeds malaria - and so much more.

And I don't want to make light of Japan and the devastation there, but I can't help think that perhaps people have forgotten about places like sub-Saharan Africa,

or Southeast Asia,

or Latin America,

who all go without suitable drinking/cooking/bathing water every day, every month, every year.

And no big cargo planes are flying in with flats of bottled water.

But there are groups working there, like Charity Water, and people dedicating their lives to working with the people to come up with real solutions. People like my sister-in-law's parents, Rick and Sherry, who are in Uganda working with an organization, Water For All, that has a real plan and is implementing it one water well at a time. And a town that used to be named "Thirsty" is now renamed "The Place Where Water Flows"!!

Oh Sarah, I thought you were on the adoption soap box and now you're going all "Water for all!!!" on us? Yep. I am. Because I just feel like there is so much more to this life than what we give, than what I give. So I'm trying to work it all out, asking the Lord what I'm supposed to do with this knowledge. I know one thing He's telling me - Don't forget.

Don't forget.

Ouch

2011-04-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

pain
–noun
1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.
2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: a back pain. Also see Shingles.

I'm tempted to show you all a picture of my back/side/stomach, but then that's all you'd see whenever you look at me, or when my picture pops up on your caller ID you'd say, "I thiiiiiiiiink this is a picture of Sarah on my phone, but all I can really make out is the DISGUSTING, red, blistering, scabbing, four inch wide, 10 inch long line of mess on her abdomen." So I'll spare you that.

But I thought I had cancer for 36 hours, so I'll take shingles, and a swollen lymphoid due to said shingles, any day over that feeling again.

Shingles = No bueno.

GIVE & GET EVENT

2011-04-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

COME TO THIS!!!!!!!!!! Even if you don't know Taylore, still come. So many people have been asking me lately about how to get involved with orphans and adoption and this is a GREAT way! Please, please come and support this dear family!

Give and Get Clothing Exchange
May 14, 2011

Saturday, May 14 · 10:00am - 12:00pm

Location: The Cahill's home
Fullerton, CA 92832

GIVE a bag of lovingly-used women's and children clothing.
GET a bag of lovingly-used women's and children clothing.
GIVE $15 at the door.
GET the blessing of helping the Coulombe family bring their daughter home from Ethiopia.

...Friends you don't want to miss this! Get some spring cleaning done and fill your bags with clothes your family is done with. Then bring your bags to Taylore's parent's house* and exchange them for some great finds! Only $15 for a bag filled with new-to-you goodies! We will also have gorgeous Ugandan necklaces available for you to purchase ($25). These necklaces were handmade by a group of women who are able to support their families by selling them to an organization, 147 Million Orphans, who then allows adopting families to sell them for profit to help raise money for their adoptions. It's a beautiful circle of blessing, and you can be a part of it!

We sincerely hope you will join us, even if you don't bring a bag, please still come. It'll be a fun morning of practically-free clothes, friends and fellowship and food, and most importantly a chance to shower Taylore and her family with love and support as they work towards bringing that baby girl home!

~ Message or Text Taylore or Sarah for the gate code.

**We suggest leaving the kiddies at home for this one. :-)

rsvp to Sarah Fitzpatriack at sarahfitz777@me.com

It's Hippie Time!

2011-04-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

I'm on a quest to find a new snack addiction for my kids to take the place of TJ's breakfast bars. I stopped buying them nearly a month ago, but not a day goes by that at least one of my kids doesn't ask for them. They're not entirely bad, so it was hard for me to completely cut them off, but it had to be done. Two main reasons for not buying them anymore...
1. There are only 6 in a box, my kids were eating their rationed amount of 1 a day, so we were going through about 5 boxes a week.
2. They were filling up on packaged, processed stuff rather than the real deal. I kind of like the idea that if it doesn't have an expiration date then we probably shouldn't be eating it.

A couple of weeks ago I made these breakfast bars in hopes of offering them a yummy alternative. I liked them, Mia and Mark liked them, my mother-in-law liked them. The others? Not so much. I think the strawberries tasted too real for their liking. I will make them again though, and tweak the recipe a bit, because I think the kids will like them too, now that it's been almost a month since they've had their TJ's bars.

Tonight I made blueberry muffins and they were a HIT! Yay! I am totally willing to make these once a week if they'll eat them like they did the bars. These are winners in my book because A) I had all the ingredients in my kitchen already. B). No flour, no white sugar. C) I made them in the tiny muffin tins so they baked faster and made more, and who can resist tiny muffins?

Yes, I added just a touch of brown sugar to the tops, but only a touch! I think I will try making them with strawberries next time just to see how they turn out.
Try them out and see what you think...

Blueberry Muffins, From Organic & Thrifty (I love that website name!)

2.5 cups of almond meal, almond flour, or hazelnut flour (can be made by grinding crispy nuts in a coffee grinder)
3 large eggs
1/4 cup of honey
1/2 tsp. of baking powder
1/2 tsp. of sea salt
1 Tbs. of vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries
Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
Prepare muffin tins with liners or lightly grease with oil or butter. Mix all ingredients until smooth.
Fold in the blueberries.
Bake for 30-40 minutes.

Tomorrow I will make my own chicken stock/broth, Wednesday we pick up our fruit/veggie basket from our new CSA group, and Thursday I will stop shaving my legs and pitters. Hooray for hippiness!

This Boy

2011-03-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

Troy is two and a half.

That could really be the end of the post because that little sentence pretty much says it all.

To keep myself from hurling profanities at him when he's crying for the bagillionth time I take his fat cheeks in my hands and tell him he's turning my brains to spaghetti and if he doesn't stop crying I'm going to serve him spaghetti-brains for dinner.

No! Not Troy!

Yes. Troy.

He says awesome things, like he can't fly because he's not Buzz Lightyear, and he can't climb a pole because he's not a firefighter, and he can't wipe his own buns because he's not a mom. Wait, what?

I thank God for Troy because without him I think my prayer life would be lacking, and I might start to think I've got a grasp on mothering. But good 'ol Tman rescues me everyday from myself, and reminds me how much I must depend on Christ for patience, and sanity.

Crazy Hot Find

2011-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is probably of little to no interest to most, but I never know when I write about a product who might read it and think, AWESOME! I've always wanted one of these! Please let me know if this post does that for you. :-)

I hosted a table at a tea on Saturday and for anyone who has ever enjoyed a nice cup of tea from an actual tea pot (china, not kettle) you'll know how fast the water gets cold. I was told from those who've gone before me to bring a thermos of hot water to keep at the table for fast refills. Lo and behold the day before the tea I found this little goodie at Ikea:

(I also found some less "tea" - more "camping" utensils, that I ended up being a tiny bit embarrassed about - but then I remembered I was at a table with my dear ones who couldn't care less and I was fine again. Thanks dear ones!)

This thermos is fabulous! Can a thermos be fabulous? Well this one can! I used it again today and didn't end up dumping the water until this evening and when I did it was STILL piping hot. That's like, 12 hours of never-getting-cold hot water, folks.

I think I'm excited mainly because it only cost me $5, or something insanely cheap, and it works well, which I can't say about everything from Ikea - especially the insanely cheap stuff; like the silverware, unless of course you're camping, or at a camping themed tea, then it's perfect. I don't know how often you're in need of 12 hours of piping hot water, but should the need arise you'll know where to go. You're welcome. :-)

Amazima's New 'Do

2011-03-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

Amazima got a website overhaul and I think you should check it out. :-)

I love, love, LOVE Amazima ministries.

I love the children it serves. I love the women it empowers. I love the young lady who God is working magnificently and mightily through. I love the people who work for and with Amazima, who make it run the way it does. I love the power, the passion, the vision, the hope, the LOVE behind Amazima.

Click on a link or on the badge over there ----------------------------->

Beach Day!

2011-03-14T13:55:00.001-07:00

My dear friend Joanna is in town from Michigan so we met up with her at Newport Beach this morning and HOLY MOLY it was a beautiful day. Seriously, I didn't want to leave. The kids were in heaven! (Funny how they complain if their bath water is too cold but will happily play in the FREEZING pacific ocean - no qualms about it.) Anyway, like I said, it was gorgeous. I need to do that more often. Oh, and I saw dolphins, and that was the icing on the cake. You will notice there is only one barely-there picture of Ben. That's because he was so busy playing in the waves and then playing on the playground and then riding his bike all around the path we were next to. These few hours filled his love-tank for sure. :-)

I'm Talking about Jesus Again...

2011-03-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

A woman I've recently gotten to know spoke truth into my life last night. She's not the first person to say these things to me, but for some reason (God) last I heard them - really heard them- and took note. She told me that the beauty of obedience is Christ walking with me through my fears. That if I choose to wait until the fears are gone, for peace and contentment, for assurance on all sides, for angels to start singing (you get the picture) I might wait forever because God's Word never ever says the only time He is blessing something is when everything feels right. It may never feel right. And I might miss out on the greatest adventure in my walk with Christ if I sit around waiting for a feeling.

Jesus didn't feel right about dying on the cross. He didn't have warm fuzzies and high fives from his friends and family. He asked his father to spare him.

But then, I imagine, he took a deep breath and bravely - while feeling completely isolated and perhaps a twinge of fear- handed his life over to God, so that His will would be done.

Even Jesus, Jesus- who I claim I want to be just like, surrendered his desires for the desires of the Father.

----pausing for reflection------

------------------------

-------------------------- still reflecting----------------

So.

What does this mean for my life?

What does this mean for our family?

1 John 4:16-18 says."So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

Perfect love casts out fear. I think she was also saying that when I choose to obey and love, even though I'm afraid, God's love covers that fear, and uses me in my obedience.

Verse 19 says, "We love because he first loved us."

I choose to fiercely love, what ever that looks like right here and now, because he fiercely loved first. And his love looked like death on a cross, and I'm pretty sure the way he is asking me to love looks a lot different than that.

Sarah Summarized

2011-03-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

Patience and kind words has been my focus with the kids this week. Me to them, mind you. I've been asking the Lord to change my attitude pretty consistently as it seems I'm always in need of a tune up. I noticed that a lot of times when my kids ask for something I answer them like I'm really irritated and bugged. What if that's how God responded to me when I asked him for help? "SERIOUSLY? Can't you just do it? You have done this a million times, figure it out." Yep, I've said those words, and much worse. I also noticed how my tone of voice is much nicer with other people's kids than my own. By his grace, I am taking a split second to think how I want someone to respond to me before I respond to them.

Oh I am so thankful for the love of Christ because there are soooooooo many days where I feel unloving and it is painfully obvious when I love on my own, out of my own supply, that my reserve is shallow and I come up empty. When I am bugged that my child needs help putting on his shoes, or annoyed when asked for a cup of water, that's when I know I'm not drawing from the Lord. I'm serving out of the flesh, not out of the Spirit, and something needs to be done about that!

I love the Italian phrase which is something like, "Senza Christo, neinte." It means, "Without Christ, nothing."

And that's me; Senza Christo, neinte.

Thankful

2011-03-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

I used to write Thankful Lists all the time, and today I keep thinking how thankful I am, so here's my list. No particular order...

~My new car. Everything about it is a total luxury. I do not deserve it. Or need it. But I am SO thankful for it.

~My friends bringing home their new-to-them little boy today. They are fostering him with high hopes of adoption. I've been thinking about them all day and I can't get over the excitement, the preciousness, the thankfulness that surrounds adoption.

~ A mom friend offered to make a table cloth for me that I need for this weekend. I was literally on my way to the fabric store when she called saying she was already there and would make if for me - I could not believe it!

~ My new water glasses from my mom who is always thinking about me.

~ The prayers from my husband over our family because they are rich and powerful.

~ Getting to have a FitzSnelSon night this week, topped off with a Frapy's. :-)

~ Some dear friends becoming dearer as we raise our kids together, share meals together, laugh and cry and do life together.

~ Laundry. Because it's a constant reminder of how much we've been given.

Enough!

2011-03-07T22:24:00.001-08:00

I can't handle any more life changing books!!

A couple years ago it was Too Small to Ignore by Wess Stafford, which gave a voice to all the child-advocacy thoughts in my head. Such a powerful book. I prayed that 100 copies would show up on my doorstep because I wanted every parent, teacher, youth leader, coach, Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent, babysitter... to read it. Sadly that didn't happen, but it's a must read if you have any type of dealings with children in any capacity. It's so good.

Then it was The Robe, by Llyod C. Douglas, which gave a different angle to the story of Jesus and inspired me to constantly be on the look out for his return. Such a good read!

Then there was Radical, by David Platt. Which was radical. I was highlighting so much of it one night Mark recommended I only highlight the parts I don't like, to save time and ink.

One Million Arrows , by Julie Ferwerda, sits on my nightstand waiting for me to get past the first chapter but I can't because, well just because.

Because right now it's Crazy Love, by Francis Chan.

This book is similar to Radical in that it challenges the very fiber of me being a Christian, or at least calling myself one, and what that looks like Biblically. If you take a passionate person, such as Pastor Francis Chan, and add the Bible to what it is he's passionate about, in this case God's love for us and our response to that love, then you've got a life changing book in your hands.

I love and hate that.

Because I read these books and sometimes I'm like, oh fabulous, now I have to respond, and apply, and change. You can't read a book like Radical or Crazy Love and just set it down and walk away, it's impossible. In fact I dare you to. Give it a thorough reading then shrug your shoulders and carry on. YOU CAN'T!

I can't.

I won't.

EASY Soup

2011-03-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I have friends that work at Trader Joe's, (I like to bag my own groceries and pretend I work there too), so when they told me about this really yummy chicken tortilla soup I knew I'd love it. Mark isn't a huge soup fan - he eats it but doesn't LOOOOOOOOOVE is as I do, so I make it for lunch and then eat off it for a handful of days. What makes it even awesomer (just to continue my overuse of the word 'awesome') I use chicken that Mark cooks on the grill. We're talking GOOD chicken. Just so we're all clear - I realize this is more "opening, pouring and heating" than actual cooking, but I'm ok with that.

TJ's Chicken Tortilla Soup

Organic Tomato and Roasted Red Pepper Soup (that's your base)
One can of Organic Black Beans, drained and rinsed
2 cups of Fire Roasted Corn, it's in the freezer section ( I really like corn, so I put a lot in. All of the measuring in this is to your preference... it's FAIL PROOF, can I get an amen?!)
Chopped, cooked chicken. I use about 2 cups? I have no idea.
Salt
Pepper
Hot sauce (We like the Jalapeno Hot Sauce, from TJ's of course)
Cilantro if you have it.
Fresh lime juice. (You can totally make it without this, but I always miss it when I'm out of limes),

Heat and serve with cheese, avocado, tortilla chips (or Fritos if your a Twin), sour cream and all of your other favorite tortilla soup fixings. It's so simple, I know, but seriously every time I eat it think I have GOT to share this recipe people! So there you go. Enjoy!

Beautiful Things

2011-03-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

This morning I was blessed with some alone time so I folded laundry and worshiped the Lord, because I see no reason why the two should not go together. This song, Beautiful Things by Gungor, came on and I was moved, then broken, then weeping at the beauty of it. The power of the lyrics and melody ministered to me in sweet, sweet way, so I thought I'd share it. Enjoy!

Reality

2011-03-01T13:32:00.000-08:00

Hi!

Hi!

It's so good to -Get out of the street!

You too. How are you?

Oh I'm -off the table NOW, you know the rules- doing well, you?

Great, except for the major -no you can't have a cookie right now- thing happening in our lives.

Thing? What -on earth are you doing in there? Open the door and keep it open- thing?

Me and the husband, we're -where's the baby?

-----------Take kid to the bathroom while friend finds the baby------------

What was I saying?

I dunno, something about a -yes you can have carrots- thing?

-----------pause to get carrots, cut carrots, serve carrots-----------

-----------changes baby's diaper while pausing for carrots--------

Right the thing! We're trying to ------save baby from choking on carrots--------

Is she ok?

She's fine, she has a great -NO HITTING!- gag reflex.

That's helpful.

Mmmhmm.

Were you saying something about your husband? How is -I don't know where your shoes are, where did you take them off?- he?

He's good. But we're, hold on I need to take this.

--------------------check Facebook while friend answers phone------------

Sorry. What was I talking about?

You and your husband. Is everything -you need your helmet on if you're going to ride your bike!- okay?

Totally! It's just that we can't seem to -WHO is SCREAMING? Oh my GOSH!

Wow, um, he's really bleeding.

Maybe we should go.

It's was SO good seeing you!!

You too! Love you friend!

Big Sigh of Relief. :-)

2011-02-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

I believe Elijah went to Heaven in a whirlwind.

I believe David killed a giant with a rock.

I believe lepers were healed, blind could see, and water turned to wine.

And, I have no doubt that Jesus is the Son of God, died, and rose again.

BUT...

I have always, always had hard time wrapping my brain around the whole Noah's Ark thing. Don't judge. Maybe it's because as a child my perception of the ark was this:

And therefore I spent a good portion of my childhood trying to fit all the animals in there, like this:

But then I saw this:

If only YouTube would post a video all about how God existed before anything else existed, then I'd be golden.

(Faith like a child, friends, faith like a child.)

Supporting Supporters

2011-02-25T10:07:00.000-08:00

Adoption talk is everywhere these days... Almost everyone knows people who have adopted, are adopting, are thinking about adopting. Celebrities are doing it. It's kinda "in", and it's a little tempting to think, "Geez, enough with adoption, it's SOOOOOOO trendy." Blah blah blah... I get that. But if the church (people, not building) want to hop on a bandwagon then finding a more necessary one is hard to come by.

Every now and then I post a way that we can all help out, but when my beloved friend Karen made a list on her blog of ways we can support adopting families I really wanted to post it here. karen is a mother of three, her youngest bean was adopted from Ethiopia, so she knows the realities of adopting. As one of my nearest and dearest friends goes through this process I find myself reading this list and seeing how I can help my lovely Coulombe family. (In fact, Tay, maybe you shouldn't read this as it will give all my upcoming moves away.) :-)

Here are Karen's thoughts...

"1. Mail a card with a nice handwritten note of congratulations--virtually free, loving, supportive, a beautiful gesture.

2. Buy a onsie, booties, hairbow, baseball glove, or photo frame and leave it on the porch or deliver it in person with a celebratory note.

3. Have your children draw a new family photo for the expectant family--my neighbor did this for me and I put that picture on display during our process and it made me so happy whenever I looked at it.

4. Pray for them a lot, and let them know you are praying. This is SO encouraging and SO needed. There is an insane amount of warfare surrounding adoption.

5. Bring them a meal and/or comfort food "just because."

6. Listen. When they tell you fears, listen and nod. When they say its hard, listen and nod. It doesn't mean they regret adopting, it means they are growing in trust and are choosing to be vulnerable with you, including you in their worries. If you try to talk them out of these fears or make them feel bad for having fears, they'll probably still have fears, except have no safe place in which to share them.

7. Throw a shower or offer to donate to their adoption expenses. The reality is, adoption costs anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 (and in some cases $40,000). Yes, we chose to spend and invest our money this way, but that is a heck of a lot of money that most adoptive families don't even come close to having.

8. Give a date night. The adoption process can have peaks and valleys, and if you notice your friend is in a valley, offer to watch her other kids so she can have a night of FUN with her hubby.

9. Distract her. Take her out, look at art, enjoy a speaker, watch a movie, read a book, help her pass the time as she waits.

10. Text, Email, Call. The worst that will happen is she wont pick up or reply. The best outcome is you pursued her and she knows it and feels loved and supported.

11. Believe. Believe with her that God is ordaining her adoption, that He orchestrates His will, that He knows all things. Feed her with confidence and reassurance, even if she doesn't seem to need it.

12. Ask. If you don't understand the process or what she's going through, ask. Ask how she's doing. How its going. How she feels. If she has any information on her child? (HINT: we LOVE to talk and dream about our child way more than talk about the paperwork headache).

13. Take an interest in the culture or country of her future child. (if international)

14. NEVER ask about the child's first family. Instead ask about the child's height, weight, personality, interests, language, eye color, and all their beautiful features. Ask to see a photo.

15. And finally, don't stop supporting your friend until her child is home. In some cases the adoption process can take years, and we don't have our 'pregnancy' growing out in the open for people to remember. We live in an out-of-sight, out-of-mind culture, and very unintentionally people can forget."

Love it Karen, thank you!!

This kind of goes along with #8; I thought of offering to take the family's kids for a day so the parent's can spend a huge junk of uninterrupted time working on the mountain of paperwork that must be goes along with adopting. I hear it's gargantuan. (And make sure they take a break and go get a coffee, or lunch together.)

If you have any other idea's I'd love to hear them!

Ben's love...

2011-02-21T22:12:00.001-08:00

Him

2011-02-20T15:08:00.000-08:00

Sweet husband was telling me about a young man he knows who is facing a handful of challenging situations; his girlfriend being pregnant is one of them, and she's considering getting an abortion.

"DID YOU TELL HIM WE'LL ADOPT HIS BABY???" I interrupted him mid-sentence.

In true, Mark -matter-of-fact- fashion,"Yes of course. I already told him."

Without a moment's hesitation.

I love him.

Here's a Thought...

2011-02-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I like to go visit my friend's churches. I think this is a good practice to keep. I know that people loooooove thier churches, and loooooooove their pastors, and that's great. But I think it can be quite the blessing to see other places and hear other pastors. Gain perspective. Be encouraged. Be encouraging.

I'm pretty sure it's biblical too.

For one thing, my closest friends don't go to the same church I do. So it's great for me to go with them, to hear what they're hearing, be moved, be spurred on, built up in the same way they are. I love to hear their pastors fired up about something so I get a better understanding of about what, and why, my friend is fired up. It's unifying.

It's also a good reminder to me that God works through A LOT of pastors, not just my pastor. The truth of the Bible is being preached in A LOT of churches, not just my church. Great things are happening in the body of Christ all over the world, not just the body of believers I'm familiar with. God is using some remarkable people to do some remarkable things, and I don't want to miss out on the blessing of knowing about such things because I'm stuck with my rose colored glasses on at my church. Perspective.

I'm not talking about Church hopping, or comparing churches against each other, I'm talking about going out and seeing where else God is working. Because He is working. And I want to be there, whether it's at my church or my best friend's, I don't want to miss it. It's a gift to worship with other believers, and it's too beautiful to miss.

Troy does THIS now...

2011-02-10T15:18:00.000-08:00

And wants to ride aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day long. Sometimes I forget that he's two.

February 6, 2011

2011-02-06T09:18:00.001-08:00

She

is one.

ONE!

This year has flown by, I really, truly, cannot believe it has been a year since she was born. Kinda hurts my heart.

Mia is nothing less than pure JOY. Her entire birth day is marked with God's sweet grace to me. I had a list, desires if you will, of things I hoped would happen and for no reason other than loving to give good gifts to His children, God granted all of them.

Everything about her reminds me of God's provision, faithfulness and love for me and our family. At a time in our lives when having a baby sounded just mean, God used her as a light, as joy.

Instead of adding craziness she added peace. Instead of burden she brought ease. Instead of hardship, joy.

My favorite thing about Mia is her giggle. There are multiple times a day when I look over and she's just laughing at something. I've tried to get it on video, but no such luck. It's something I hope I remember for the rest of my life.

I am so excited because my favorite age of baby-hood is 12-24 months, which means Mia hasn't even peaked yet!

She slept in the moses basket, slept next to my bed, slept in my closet longer than the others. She is nursing longer, ate solids later, sat up later and crawled later than the others. She's not walking, not even close, she doesn't even stand on her own. And she's smaller.

All these things are just fine with me because it means that she's still more of a baby than a one year old.

(Side-note: It feels really good to NOT be pregnant on her first birthday, as I was on Addison's and Troy's. Yay!)

Happy birthday, sweet baby girl. Words do not do justice to the love we all have for you. I can't wait to see how God continues to use you as a blessing in the lives of everyone who knows you.

Tattoo

2011-02-03T14:18:00.001-08:00

I like tattoos, or rather - I like the thought of tattoos. I had a couple picked out when I was younger that I thought I'd like to get, but chickened out. At one point I wanted to get the bible verse (reference only) of Micah 6:8 tattooed on my foot. I actually went with a friend, who had a friend who did tattoos, to have it done but when he mentioned that the foot is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo I was out of there.

Since having kids I've often thought about waiting until they learn how to write their name then having that traced/tattooed on me, in their writing and everything. Wouldn't that be cute? I will never have it done though, mainly because I see no need for unnecessary pain, and also because I think my husband would laser it off of me in my sleep, but today when Addie drew this my very first thought was how I would totally get it tattooed on me. I think it's awesome.

Who wouldn't want Addie's giant happy face and a friendly eagle inked permanently on their body?

Maybe for my 40th birthday...

In Silence

2011-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

I am so buried here at the Fitz house. I have phone calls, texts, emails and FB posts just sitting there waiting for reply. But I got nothing. There is so much to write about... Our week with sweet (new) friends staying at our house. My experience with 6 kids, six and under. ADDISON'S FOURTH BIRTHDAY! and more...

As I said to dear Wendy today, every day feels like a huge battle and at the end of the day, when the kids are finally asleep, I can't read or write or even talk, I can just sit. And lately I've been just sitting and waiting for the next time I have to get up again. That leads perfectly into restless nights because I've trained myself to "half sleep" so I can be (at least) "half awake" the moment I'm needed, which has been multiple times every night. Maybe all moms are like this? It's kinda awful.

BUT, I feel prayed for.

I feel covered.

A wise friend said, "Maybe God's answer isn't health for your family, but your attitude during the sickness." Yes! That's how Christ can be glorified during my ugly days! That's how I can be sad, and cry, and want desperately for everyone to be well, but also rest in the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, and trust that He will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

I feel guarded.

I also feel like being quiet.

If one goes on a silent retreat at a monastery or ashram they receive a neat little badge that says, "In Silence". It tells all the people around them not to expect a response. I think that badge sounds lovely. Please don't think that I don't want to talk, but the thought of being quiet for three or four days sounds heavenly. If I could do that, be quiet, without missing out on any responsibilities and without any consequences, I would take it! I would read for hours then sleep for hours. I would breathe deep and slow, and revel in the awesomeness of Jesus and the work He did on the cross. I would finish a thought, a deep thought, and maybe write about it. I would plan something wonderful to celebrate the first birthday of my precious baby girl. I would listen to Jesus for more than the two minutes he usually gets.

But alas... I am in this moment and I am so grateful that "the thick of it" for me is reeeeeeeally not that thick. I am also so thankful for a God who cares about little ol' me, enough to smother me with a peace so incredible I can't even understand it - Ah! I love it!

You Want a Piece of Me?

2011-01-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

Everyday I spend time, probably too much time, reading, watching and learning about children who need parents, siblings, a bed, a roof, water. And I think, "I have those things! I will give them to you! Come and live with me!"

And then I shut my computer.

Close my book.

Clear my mind.

And do nothing.

I wonder how long I can do nothing for before the ache in my entire body takes over?

It is thoughts like these that keep me from blogging more regularly. Because this is what I think about all. the. time.

If there is laughter in my house I think about children without family to laugh with and picture them with us. When my babies are lined up in their little beds, sleeping soundly next to each other, I picture a couple more kids lined up with them. When there is chaos and frustration and anger and yelling I think about children who see no forgiveness. no reconciliation, no redemption, no heart training or restoration, and I see them with us. When Mark comes home and wraps his arms around me and the kids all giggle and Ben rolls his eyes and Addison dreams about marrying someone just like her daddy, I think about the children who have no security, no example, no dreams of a marriage like ours and I can almost feel a few more sets of arms wrestling into our family hugs. When I hear the comment, "Wow, your hands are full." I think, "Not really, I have room."

There's a piece of me.

Communion with Christ

2011-01-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

"I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom."
Matthew 26:29

Can you imagine? Having communion with Jesus Christ? This thought floored me at church this past Sunday. I don't think I have ever listened past "...take this in remembrance of me." to hear Jesus tell us that one day we will get to partake of the Lord's supper with the Lord!

I don't think I will be able to blink, I'll just stare into his eyes. And forget chewing... I will be in awe, just speechless awe because I will be sitting before my savior. The one who paid my debt. Right there before me he'll be, and I'll see his hands as he raises the cup and I'll touch his fingers as I take the bread from him. And I'll have to remind myself to drink and eat because I'll be so lost in wonder and awe. It will make the weight of the words from one of my favorite hymns a little more fathomable.

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe

Lots and Lots

2011-01-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

First there was Placerville

and Christmas there.

Then Christmas here.

Then Ben turned six.

Then Christmas here, again.

And in less than a month she will turn four

and five days after that she will turn ONE.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Lots friends, lots and lots.

My Christmas Message

2010-12-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

I'm preparing my heart for celebrating the birth of my savior this week and the closer I get to the day the more I realize what the message for me is this season: Come again, Jesus! I love reading the Christmas story from the Word; seeing prophesies fulfilled and getting to usher in this baby King, remembering what a magnificent gift God the Father gave to us. I love singing christmas carols that focus my mind on the wonder and the power of his birth. I've been paying particular attention the words of the songs I've sung my entire life, and this week I started singing them with less remembrance and more anticipation, urgent anticipation.

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel...
~
Joy to the World , the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room, ...
He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love...
~
Said the king to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere!
listen to what I say
The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light
~
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.
Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease

I think a lot of Christmas songs are meant for us to remember and reflect on what Jesus brought to the earth the day he was born, but I'm singing these songs today and thinking He needs to come back and bring it again. I am ready, SO ready, for Christ to establish his kingdom on earth here and now. We need goodness and light, we need for all oppression to cease, we need peace on earth, we need Jesus to come again.

O come, O come, Emmanuel!

Addie's Babies, for my Memory

2010-12-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

Addison has roughly nine "babies" that she takes care of on a daily basis. Nine. And she takes care of them all day long, it's pretty amazing, she puts me to shame really. She feeds, dresses, walks, naps, reads to, sings to and loves on these babies from morning till night. She LOVES her babies. The other day she came out of her room and let me know that she was off to college and I needed to babysit for her. Later she spotted me not doing my "job" and said, "Mom, babies don't babysit themselves". Right. Got it.

My favorite thing about her babies are their names, she named them months ago and the names stuck. You can ask her any of their names and they're the same name for the same baby every time... it's pretty awesome. It helps that three of them are Hannah and two are Bella. Then there's Minnie (fitting, since it's a Minnie Mouse), Baby Lucy (which has been her constant favorite for over two years), Addison (as in - Addison Jr.) and my personal favorite, a pig named Oink-Oink-Picture-Taken-Bear-Blue. What? Where did she come up with that name? I have no idea, but it's the pig's name, and I think it's awesome. Kind of reminds me of when I was young and I had a stuffed animal rabbit named Shady Philadelphia Mamaw Prince.

I love that she loves babies! I wonder where she got that from?

:-)

Ten Months Old!

2010-12-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today Mia turned 10 months, yaaaaaay! This new month is welcomed because she basically spent the last month looking like this (and worse).

Looking like that when you're a tiny one means you get lots of visits to doctors and specialists. Didn't phase her though, she was still super cute. Here she is at her Week Three visit, looking better, but the picture doesn't really show how bad it still was.

Though the four different doctors in the six different visits could never quite nail down exactly what was causing Mia's breakouts, we are pretty sure this "extreme eczema" and "nappy psoriasis", as they're referring to it as of our last visit, will be a condition she'll deal with off and on throughout her childhood and perhaps into adulthood, unless the Lord choses to heal her. I wasn't a big fan of the four different creams they gave for her face and nether-regions. Each one was made up of lot's of little ingredients that I couldn't pronounce, and that didn't sit well with me. Plus they didn't really work. So I took myself to my hippy store (Henry's, not really that hippy really) and asked the very helpful gal in their "pharmacy" section what I was looking for; something good for babies with extreme eczema containing more natural ingredients. She got so excited and said she had just been to a seminar on this and handed me this lotion, Borage by ShiKai.

And within three days, maybe less, Mia was back to her beautiful, clear, smooth skin. No more red, no flakes, nothing. I just started using it on her head (where she has extreme cradle-cap) and I'm already seeing an improvement, just after two really good applications, which is hard to do with all that hair!

I'm really excited to go back to the dermatologist on Thursday and show them this product and let them know how beneficial it's been. I think they're be pretty impressed, or annoyed, either way I'm good.

All this to say... My baby is as healthy and happy and sweet and gorgeous and bubbly and fun and JOYful as ever! She really is nothing but a joy in our lives, such a perfect fit. I can't believe in two short months she'll be ONE! But I have thoroughly been enjoying this sweet baby stage, and just soaking it up as much as I can. Love you Mia Joy!

**My friend brought up a good point; Mia's flare-ups are heat related. So that little spell of 95 degree weather we had in October sent her eczema out of control. When I started using this lotion, the weather had dropped significantly and with that the chance of her flaring up was much smaller. That may play a big part in why her face is looking so much better - because the weather has been so cool. I suppose only time will tell. I still endorse the lotion though, and believe it has also played a big part in clearing up Mia's face.

**I talked about diet and allergies with Mia's doctor and again with the dermatologist, wondering if it could be food related. Both, and then a third doctor at the dermatologist's office, said for a few different reasons they didn't think the rash was food related. I have been keeping a close eye on what she's eating, however, to see if there is a reaction and so far there has been none. It will be easier to tell, now that her face is totally clear, if/when she has a food allergy. Their reasons for it not being food related make sense to me, but with rashes and babies it's so difficult to say anything with 100% certainty.

"Model-Angst" Addie

2010-12-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

David mentioned in a sweet comment on the last post how grown-up Addison is looking, and beautiful, and model-ish. (I'm paraphrasing). So I thought I'd post a few more pics of Model Addie. She could never pose for the likes of Gap or Gymboree, but she is absolutely sullen and stunning enough for Valentino. (FYI, I had to text Wendy for the name of a high end fashion designer.)

Hi Aunt Sarah!

2010-12-01T21:48:00.000-08:00

My awesome Aunt Sarah (lovely name, no?) lives in Mississippi and reads my blog. i can't write these days, because my brains have turned to spaghetti, but I love my aunt, and I know she loves seeing wha'sup in my silly little life, so this post is for YOU Auntie Say-Say! I love you!

Pray Along...

2010-11-26T13:19:00.000-08:00

One of my nearest and dearest, my best friend since 4th grade, the girl I've walked nearly every journey with thus far in life, is (along with her adorable family, of course) just starting out on the journey of adoption. The sweet Coulombe family will be adopting their daughter from Ethiopia and I am over the moon excited for them! You can follow the journey too by visiting their blog. Here's to one less!!

Oh Maaaaaaaaaaaan!

2010-11-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

I worked really hard on a post tonight. It took almost an hour. I pressed Publish Post and BAM! it's gone. I was sad. mark assured me it was ok to cry. I tried to find it, but only the first couple of sentences remained. I tried to rewrite it but I just wasn't feeling it anymore. So instead I'm here to tell you about another House (almost) Rule.

No microwave.

Mark hasn't used the micro for, well as long as either one of us can remember. Here and there he's said little things to encourage me not to use it either... mainly because of the way it heats food up, and the heating up of plastic stuff, and the actual microwaves it emits. Like the no TV rule, though, it's easy for him to say; he's not heating up 6 cups of milk, warming up cold oatmeal or reheating last nights uneaten dinner all throughout the day.

Ben's need for hot milk in the morning boarders that of a caffeine addict and their morning fix. So getting rid of the "45 seconds to Happy Ben" wan't looking very appealing. BUT trusting, once again, the wisdom of my sweet husband I have made a considerable effort to stop using the micro.

Being the creature of habit that he is, Ben had a difficult time making the switch from micro'd-milk to stove-top-milk. For one, he has to wait about three minutes longer for it. And two, it's a different temperature every time he receives it. I persevered though and now he's fine. And geez, maybe the boy should be making his own hot milk in light of his recent scrabbled egg and coffee accomplishment, no?

So there it is, hardly any TV and little to none microwave.

We are totally hippies.

PS. Just as a teaser, here is the first sentence of the blog that got away...

"I wish my second was my first and that I didn't have my first at all."

Oh so sad that it's gone, GONE!

A New House Rule

2010-11-15T13:06:00.000-08:00

(Two blogs in one day! Look at me go!)

For people who do not have TV we sure do watch a lot of it. Thanks to my handy dandy laptop and Ben's fantastic computer skills, he easily navigates through Netflix, Disney, PBS Kids and more, finding all the TV shows we were trying to avoid. I think reminding myself that we don't have a TV made it easier to believe that my kids weren't spending gobs of time in front of that screen, but also masked the amount of time they were spending in front of another screen.

Why was I allowing this? Oh that's simple, because it made my life so easy. Upon waking my kids would come straight downstairs and watch shows on the computer - while I continued to sleep. If I needed to make a meal a "quick game" was played while I was in the kitchen. If I wanted to talk on the phone, sure, go ahead and watch some old school Goofy clips. When it came time to pick up the house instead of all of us picking up I found myself saying things like, "Why don't you go watch a short (30min) show while I clean up?" If you add all that together, my guess is that they were spending over two hours A DAY on the computer. Whaaaaaaat?

So when Mark strongly suggested that we cut out movies and games and all things computer I raised my eyebrows and thought, easy for you to say, you're gone 10 hours a day. But instead I said, Alright, if that's what you think is best. But YOU have to be the one to break the news to the addicts, I mean kids.

So he did.

And it has been the biggest blessing EVER. I thought for sure it'd be extremely difficult for me and the kids during the day. But instead it's been so great! They help me clean, imagine that, and we spend longer periods of time imagining and playing pretend together. They haven't even fussed about it much at all. Troy still asks to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every morning, but he gets over it. We let them watch some shows on Saturdays and we have Family Movie Night on Monday evenings, so we're not completely without. The lapse in-between makes those two days extra special.

I'm so thankful for Mark and his wisdom in making this decision for our family. I would've never done it, or thought it was possible. Oh happy me!

Right Idea, Wrong Neighborhood

2010-11-15T10:16:00.000-08:00

I went into Halloween thinking it was my chance, praying I'd get to meet and chat with my neighbors. I made baked goods, and set up a table. And waited.

And waited.

It seems the hood keeps their garage doors shut on Halloween too.

That's not to say we didn't have a good time because we did. And a handful of people came by, and I even got to talk with a few of them. But I figured out some things that night, which was great because now I know, and if I learned nothing else from Saturday morning cartoons as a child it was this: Knowing is half the battle.

1. It's difficult to dialogue with parents on Halloween because they stay back, way back, like in the street back, and send their kids up to get the goods.

2. It's difficult to bring "Jesus saves" into conversations consisting of "Nice goblin costume" and "Wow, you make one great witch." But I DID have a fish pumpkin.

3. I'm not great at bringing Jesus into conversations at all. I get nervous. Then I make dumb jokes. It's really awkward.

4. My neighborhood is made up of families with much older kids than I have, so we're at different stages in life. I need to just get that, and figure out a different way to connect.

5. It is much easier for me to "evangelize" when I don't think I'll ever see the people again. Like in another country. But I don't want to have to be in another country to feel more comfortable with sharing the gospel.

Maybe next year? Maybe not. We shall see...

When Did This Happen?

2010-11-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

This morning Ben got up, took a shower, got himself completely dressed, and came downstairs. After a little while he yelled up to me that breakfast was ready. I came downstairs to find he had made scrambled eggs for all of us and a cup of coffee for me, complete with cream. As I was picking my jaw off the floor I looked around to find the "5 year old makes breakfast" disaster that was sure to be there, but the boy had totally cleaned up after himself, egg shells in the trash and everything.

He's not even six.

How can he be doing all of these things?

After gushing over him for a good amount of time I remind him not to grow up too fast. He shrugged and said, "I might have to mom." "Why might you have to, Ben?" Shrugged again, "I'm just serving."

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I don't even know what to say.

I'm not writing this to brag or anything close to that, I just want to remember this morning. And spotlight a boy whose heart is still soft and is learning to live the way Jesus called us to live.

I promise I'll write about Halloween later. :-)

Battle Between Good and Evil

2010-10-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

Let's start with Halloween.

I'm not a fan. That shouldn't shock anyone. I was raised to not be a fan. My family was the family that handed out tracks. We did the harvest carnivals at churches and avoided all things evil. I was baaaaaaaaarely allowed to dress up for the parades in Elementary School. I think I was a Crayola Crayon one year, and Little Bo Peep. I trick-or-treated at four or five houses, and those were the four or five houses where our friends lived. So this battle has been going on for decades. (I can say decades because I'm 30 now).

Halloween has never reared it's ugly head so much as it has this year because this year I have a kid that is old enough to see, and be drawn to, the evil side of Halloween. Up until now it's just been a slightly silly day where my kids wear the costumes they wear out of the house on a regular basis anyway, except they get candy for it. No biggy. But this year something happened in the big kid. He notices the evil all around. He is drawn to the skeletons, the scary jack-o-lanters, the hideous "decorations" that marketing strategist everywhere have beautifully conned us into thinking we need to buy. He points out and laughs and wants to take closer looks at all the haunted, spooky stuff up in every store, around every neighborhood. He is figuring out what good and evil is, and I want him to want good.

So there's my battle. Do we participate? If so, to what degree? Do we allow dressing up at all? Do we say it's ok to trick-or-treat but only to a couple house? Do we blackout our windows and pretend we're not home? What stance do we take? 364 days a year we say to not conform to the patterns of this world, so is it ok on this one day to ignore this?

I've been thinking, praying, discussing this topic with the Lord and good friends, and of course Mark, over the last couple of weeks. I think I know what to do, and the answer surprised me. Here's what we're doing, and why.

Because we, as a family, have been trying (baby-stepping) to live like missionaries, because that's what we are folks, I think it would defeat the purpose of being a light in the darkness if we were to hole up and avoid the holiday like the plague. How does that share Christ with anyone? Likewise, I think going to a church carnival also defeats the purpose. Why? Because if I'm there, then I can't be here, in my neighborhood, seeing and meeting the neighbors I've tried for four months now to get some face time with.

So here's the plan... we're setting up a little table outside, with apple cider and goodies, and with a prayerful heart we will seize this chance to meet people, believers and non, that live all around us. I want them to see me, and recognize my face the next time we're out and about and remember that we had joy, we had laughter, we had light. I want all the lights on in my house. I want yummy snacks so people will linger for a bit. I want Jesus' name to be on my lips. Because this is the one night, the ONE night of the year that my neighbors are coming out from behind their shut garage doors and THEY are coming to ME! Ha! Take that, evil one!

All are welcome to come on over and hang with us Sunday night. The more the merrier!

I might even hand out some tracks. :-)

Mental Blogs

2010-10-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Halloween.

The gifts I received/gave.

It's a boy!

Training Hearts for Jesus.

New house rules.

These are the titles of blogs I have written - in my head. One of these days I will put down the stinkin' Angry Birds game (thanks Hoolay!) and start writing again. No, it's not really that, although I am tempted to be epically distracted by that senseless app, it's just that these are things that really mean something to me, and try as I might I am unsure about accurately writing about them. So they build up in my head as I stick to silly pictures and one liners, but there is more mulling around in here - I just need to pray about how to get it out there.

In the meantime...

Stick with me. :)

Sneak Peak...

2010-10-21T20:35:00.001-07:00

Birthday was AWE ... SOME.

Here are some outtakes from the evening...

More to details to come...

Bday Eve

2010-10-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight I will say goodbye to my 20's. Not gonna lie, it's a little sad. I liked being 20 something. I felt young, even when everything in my life made it seem like I was old, or older, I should say. My 20's were good to me. Full and rich, busy.

Stats on my 20's...

2 colleges (yes community, they still count)

8 moves

5 churches

1 engagement

1 wedding

2 major house remodels

1 turtle, 3 cats, 1 dog, 8 chickens

7 trips outside Cali

4 pregnancies, labors, deliveries, births, kids

127(+) grey hairs

So, you know, my 20's were nice. And, truth be told, the "baby of the family"-attention seeker (read:attention LOVER) in me will miss the look of shock and awe on people's faces when I tell them I'm a mother of four and still in my twenties. Mother of four and in my thirties? Meh, no biggie, isn't everybody? I've kind of always felt like that's what made me special...

(Time to dig into the real reasons I'm special.)

I'm exited because I have a feeling this will be the decade of redefinition for me. I'm praying that God will take this stuff that's been building for ten years and use it all for his kingdom. I want my 30's to be defined by growth and maturity and health and serving. I want to start working out (more on that in 72 days...), I want to serve, and have my kids serve and serve as a family. I want to grow up a bit, but not too much.

Yay for my twenties! They were fun, and now they're done.

Cake anyone?

(See? Not growing up too much:-))

Wishful Thinking

2010-10-14T20:09:00.001-07:00

Tonight I'm going to write about something that is heavy on my mind. Something that I have to face, to deal with, to devote time to multiple times a week.

Packed lunches.

This is what Ben's lunch looks like almost everyday he goes to school, which is only three days a week. I can only imagine what it would look like if he went five days.

I've even made a complete lunch mainly consisting of these

and these.

How those even got into my house is beyond me. (Not that far beyond, though).

There are so many things wrong with Ben's lunches, the plastic baggies for one... the lack of protein, the quantity of processed foods, blaach.

I want his lunches (and mine for that matter) to look like this:

or this:

I promise I will not re-purchase any of those nasty things. Pinky promise.

**The delicious looking lunches pictured up there are from a fabulous little website called Weelicious. They have a fan page on FB and they post a picture of their packed lunch for the day, everyday. Not only does it heap loads of guilt on my already processed packed - packed lunch, but it gives me pretty ideas of what I should/in my dreams/will pack for Ben. Starting tomorrow.

Coming Along Nicely

2010-10-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

It's only been one week and Birthday Month is off to a great start. Monday night brought a much needed Fitzselson Night. Mark surprised us and came home early from work on Tuesday, can you say awesome? Wednesday I started a Book club and had pie with this girl, who happens to be 12 days OLDER than I, which warrants a "Happy Birthday Month Becks!"

Mark stepped out a bit early again from work today and met us at Pumpkin City AKA: "Temptationville". It was reeeeeeeeally close to being fun, until we (quickly) figured out the wonderful little city is really a front for a money sucking, child torturing "fair" that smells like farm animal poop.

Don't you fret, little kids, you can ride these ponies all day long if you want.

What? Not as fun as a bounce house?

Super Mark swooped up our pumpkin-crazed kids and took them to Trader Joe's where any sane person will buy their pumpkins, HUGE ones, 3 for the price of 1 tiny one from Rip-you-off-Land. It's like I always say; sometimes I have really good ideas, and sometimes I don't. Anyway... off to week number two!!

It's HERE!

2010-10-01T20:21:00.001-07:00

Birthday month has arrived! And it's a big one folks... in just 19 short days I will be celebrating my----

Woo, that's big.

This requires a party, no? How should I celebrate? I'm at a loss... small and intimate? Big and rambunctious? Girls only? Couples only? Entire families? Day at the spa? Night away with the hubs? Gifts? No gifts? In-and-Out truck? The options are endless!

Thoughts?